JANUARY 26, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dr. August J. Bucher: A Man of Service. Impact: If Dr. Bucher had decided to open a bakery instead of becoming a minister, the world might be filled with inter-denominational pastry wars instead of church disputes. Imagine 'Holy Croissant Sundays'.. Fact: Did you know that being a minister requires a lot of multitasking? It's like being a life coach, therapist, and social worker—all while trying to keep your congregation awake during sermons!.
• Headline: Severe Flood Disrupts Transport Services. Impact: This flood likely led to the invention of waterproof train tickets and airline boarding passes—because nothing says 'I love travel' like soggy paperwork.. Fact: Did you know that floods are basically Mother Nature's way of saying, 'Surprise! No travel for you today!'?.
• Headline: Remembering William Koren, Educator. Impact: Koren's passing might have led to an influx of students suddenly realizing they could no longer procrastinate their language requirements. The panic alone could have sparked a new educational movement.. Fact: It's said that educators leave a legacy not just in their teachings, but in the countless students who now have to pay for language tutors instead. Thanks, Koren!.
• Headline: MISS HELEN J. WALDO; Former Associate Editor of John Martin's Book. Impact: Waldo's editorial choices may have influenced countless authors to pursue literary careers, resulting in an overwhelming number of terrible self-published novels. Thanks for that, Helen.. Fact: Did you know that editing is like being a lifeguard for words? You save them from drowning in bad grammar and punctuation. So, Helen was basically a word superhero..
• Headline: PUPILS SAVE DROWNING DOG.; Girl 14, Boy 13, Form Human Chain to Reach Animal at Syracuse. Impact: This heroic act probably sparked a wave of youth activism, leading to future generations believing they could save the world—one drowning dog at a time. Expect the 'Pupils for Paws' movement next.. Fact: Did you know that forming a human chain is like a kid's version of a rescue mission? If only every mission involved snacks!.
• Headline: MRS. F. D. ROOSEVELT ATTENDS MUSICALE; Wife of the President Has His Mother and Aunt as Guests at Event in Capital. Impact: This musicale event likely led to a secret society of First Ladies who gather to critique musical talent and plot their next fashion statements. Watch out, history might be hiding a couture conspiracy.. Fact: Did you know that when you're the First Lady, every event is like a high-stakes game of 'What will I wear?' It's basically the Olympics of style!.
• Headline: THE PLAY; ' Tide Rising,' in Which the Yankee Middle Man Takes a Stand Between Labor and Capital. Impact: This play may have inadvertently started a trend of theatrical productions where the middleman is always the hero, leading to a rash of existential crises among actual middlemen everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that plays about labor and capital are basically the world's most dramatic way of discussing your paycheck? Where's the popcorn?.
• Headline: SYME TAKES ISSUE WITH PINK'S STAND; Justice Files Memorandum to Back Charges of Excessive Mortgage Case Fees. Impact: This legal kerfuffle likely led to the creation of a new generation of lawyers determined to find loopholes to charge even more outrageous fees. Because who doesn’t love a good financial scandal?. Fact: Did you know that legal battles are basically the adult version of playground fights, just with more paperwork and fewer swings?.
• Headline: STRIKERS ON B. M. T. SEIZE POWER UNIT BUT YIELD IN TRUCE; MEN AGREE TO GO. Impact: This strike may have inspired future workers to realize that sometimes, the best way to get what you want is to just make a lot of noise and hope someone listens. Welcome to the 'Loud and Proud' movement.. Fact: Did you know that striking is like putting a giant pause button on normalcy? It’s everyone's way of saying, 'Not today, capitalism!'.