JANUARY 13, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Flint Guardsmen Rally Amid Auto Strikes. Impact: The massing of guardsmen in Flint led to the eventual establishment of the 'National Guard's Guide to Managing Strikes: A How-To for Future Generations.' This led to countless future debates about the effectiveness of having armed forces at labor disputes versus simply offering workers a cookie.. Fact: Did you know that the National Guard is basically the 'let's hope this doesn't escalate' squad? They show up to everything from riots to birthday parties..
• Headline: Dewey Investigates Dyers' Unions. Impact: The subpoenaing of union records sent ripples through the labor movement, ultimately inspiring a new trend of union leaders hiring personal accountants who moonlight as conspiracy theorists to protect their assets.. Fact: Fun fact: Subpoena is Latin for 'we're really interested in what you're hiding.'.
• Headline: Sugar Exchange Seat Price Rises. Impact: The sudden spike in sugar exchange prices led to a nationwide sugar rush that fueled the invention of the 'Sugar High Olympics,' where competitors raced to consume the most candy in record time—sugar-induced injuries were, unsurprisingly, common.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more volatile than sugar prices is a toddler on a sugar high? Watch out!.
• Headline: GAS MASK OUTPUT SPEEDED IN BRITAIN; Factory for Civilian Defense Is Opened to Help Produce 500,00 Units a Week.. Impact: The opening of the gas mask factory in Britain inadvertently led to a spike in fashion trends involving gas masks as a statement accessory, solidifying their place in avant-garde ensembles for decades.. Fact: Did you know that gas masks were the original form of 'keeping it real' during air raids? Talk about a breath of fresh air!.
• Headline: PORTER CONFESSES SLAYING MRS. CASE; TRAPPED BY A SUIT; Another Negro Is Held in the Slaying of Queens Woman as an Accessory.. Impact: The confession of the porter in the murder case caused a slight existential crisis in the legal community, prompting endless discussions on whether they should be more concerned about the crime or the fact that a porter was capable of such actions.. Fact: Murder mysteries are like puzzles, except some pieces are permanently missing—much like the sense of justice in this case..
• Headline: RECORD LOW RATE ON NEW CITY LOAN; 2.941% Interest Cost Obtained in Award of $50,000,000 Issue to National City Group.. Impact: The record low interest rate on city loans became a blueprint for future generations to realize that borrowing money is just like dating: if the interest is low enough, you'll take the plunge, only to regret it later.. Fact: Did you know that interest rates are like bad exes? They always seem to come back to haunt you when you least expect it..
• Headline: RAILROAD TRUSTEES PLAN NEW SECURITIES; Projects Filed With I. C. C. by St. Louis Southwestern and Western Pacific.. Impact: The railroad trustees’ plans for new securities were so convoluted that they inspired a new form of board games, like 'Monopoly: The Regulatory Nightmare Edition,' where players spend hours trying to understand the rules.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than railroad securities is trying to get a straight answer from a politician?.
• Headline: Summary of the Report of President Roosevelt's Committee on Management; Executive to Assign Bureaus. Impact: President Roosevelt's committee report on management led to the establishment of the 'Bureaucracy Olympics,' where government workers compete to see who can fill out the most forms in the least amount of time—spoiler: no one wins.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing that moves faster than a government committee is a sloth on a caffeine high..