JANUARY 7, 1937

Full News Archive

• Headline: Rise of Unbelief in 1937 Russia. Impact: This census marked the beginning of a national crisis that would eventually lead to a thriving underground market for existential dread and philosophical debates over vodka.. Fact: Fun fact: this census revealed that the number of people who believed in aliens doubled since the last census. Clearly, they were just avoiding church on Sundays!.
• Headline: Leftists to Court-Martial Captured Germans. Impact: The court-martial of these Germans would set off a series of events that would, decades later, lead to a bizarre reality TV show where ex-soldiers compete in obstacle courses to redeem their honor.. Fact: It’s interesting how the court-martial process often sounds more like a bad soap opera than actual justice. Tune in next week for 'As the Tribunal Turns.'.
• Headline: Matthews-Downing. Impact: The union of Matthews and Downing would unexpectedly inspire a series of romantic comedies, leading to a spike in couples trying to recreate their meet-cute at the local coffee shop.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Matthews-Downing' is now used in the industry to describe a relationship that’s destined to take a dramatic turn? It’s practically a trope!.
• Headline: NATION'S CRITICS PICK 10 BEST FILMS; ' Mutiny on the Bounty' Voted Top Picture for 1935 in Poll of 500 Writers.. Impact: The success of 'Mutiny on the Bounty' would lead to a cinematic obsession with pirates, sparking an entire generation's interest in swashbuckling and terrible pirate puns.. Fact: Fun fact: This film's popularity was so immense that it inadvertently led to a spike in eyepatch sales. You know, for that authentic pirate look!.
• Headline: MADRID IS ROCKED IN SEVERE SHELLING; Americans Under Fire as the Telephone Building Is HitRebel Fleet Flies Over City.. Impact: The shelling of Madrid would ultimately lead to the invention of the world's first 'shelter-in-place' protocol, which was just a fancy way of saying 'hide under the table and hope for the best.'. Fact: It’s a grim reminder that when things go south, even the telephone building can't help you dial for help. The irony is not lost on us..
• Headline: Miss Elaine B. Barry, a Debutante of 1932, Wed to Wallace Grove in Floral Setting. Impact: Their marriage would inadvertently start a trend of extravagant weddings, leading to a generation of brides feeling pressured to outdo each other with increasingly ridiculous themes.. Fact: Did you know that Elaine's bouquet was so large it could have doubled as a flotation device? Who knew nuptials could be so buoyant!.
• Headline: BARTERED BRIDE' IS SUNG; Smetana's Opera Heard by Large Audience at Metropolitan... Impact: The performance of 'Bartered Bride' would spark a sudden interest in opera, leading to an unexpected boom in 'coughing during the quiet parts' as a new form of audience participation.. Fact: Fun fact: Many opera-goers still believe that the louder they cough, the better the performance. It's like their version of applause!.
• Headline: Son to Robert C. Hufstaders. Impact: This birth would eventually lead to a series of Hufstaders who would dominate the world of competitive napping, proving that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree—or the crib.. Fact: Did you know that Robert C. Hufstaders is a name that sounds so prestigious, it could easily be mistaken for a high-ranking diplomat or a luxury car brand?.
• Headline: VALENCIA PROTESTS TO LEAGUE ON REICH; Foreign Minister Cites Fleet's Activity as Latest German Non-Intervention Breach.. Impact: This protest would ignite a chain reaction leading to countless diplomatic memos being exchanged filled with passive-aggressive language, forever changing the way nations argue.. Fact: Isn't it interesting how a protest can sometimes feel just as impactful as a good coffee shop debate? Both involve passionate opinions and a lot of shouting!.