DECEMBER 16, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Creation of Philippine Affairs Office. Impact: This creation led to a never-ending cycle of red tape and bureaucratic confusion, ultimately resulting in the invention of the phrase 'Let me check with my supervisor' in the 21st century.. Fact: This office was supposed to help, but it mostly just made everyone feel important while doing absolutely nothing..
• Headline: Japan's Aid to Nanking Regime in 1936. Impact: Japan's 'generosity' led to a series of misunderstandings in international relations, causing future diplomats to seriously consider using emoji to avoid miscommunication.. Fact: This was a classic case of 'We're here to help, no really!'—right before a storm of chaos ensued..
• Headline: Loomis Reviews 1936 Railway Conditions. Impact: This report led to an increase in road trips, which in turn caused the invention of modern-day road rage and the birth of countless roadside diner experiences.. Fact: The roads being 'not out of the woods' is just a fancy way of saying they were still covered in potholes and bad decisions..
• Headline: BANS PHOTOS OF EDWARD; Reich Extends Its Press Curb on Pictures of Mrs. Simpson.. Impact: This ban on photos sparked a global obsession with celebrity gossip, leading to a future where selfies and paparazzi culture ruled the day.. Fact: Because nothing screams 'we're in control' quite like banning pictures of a man who just wanted to marry a divorced American..
• Headline: Advertising News. Impact: The charting of regional trade led to the explosion of targeted advertising, ultimately resulting in your social media feed knowing you better than your best friend does.. Fact: If only they had known that 'regional trade' would one day lead to ads for products you never wanted but now can't escape..
• Headline: LINKS MRS. SIMPSON AND ALIEN DOCTRINES; Miss Wilkinson, M.P., Suggests Edward and She Alike Were Victims of a Group.. Impact: This conspiracy theory opened the door for future generations to blame everything on secret groups, including your missing socks and the existence of pineapple on pizza.. Fact: Who knew a love story could be linked to aliens? Next, they'll claim the moon landing was staged by Mrs. Simpson..
• Headline: Polish Castle Is Offered. Impact: This invitation led to an influx of royal tourists, forever changing the landscape of Polish tourism and creating a new breed of castle enthusiast.. Fact: Because nothing says 'welcome' like inviting a former king to stay in your castle—what could possibly go wrong?.
• Headline: Rogers Fund Plan Approved. Impact: The approval of this fund eventually inspired countless charitable organizations, leading to the rise of unsolicited donation requests during dinner.. Fact: If only they had known that a simple fund would lead to the avalanche of 'please give' emails we all dread today..