NOVEMBER 22, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Mrs. Hoffman Injured by Horse in Baltimore. Impact: If Mrs. Hoffman had not been kicked, she might have opened a petting zoo, leading to a global obsession with miniature goats—imagine the Instagram influencers!. Fact: Did you know that horses can kick with a force equivalent to a small car? Mrs. Hoffman probably learned that the hard way..
• Headline: Seaway Inquiry Concludes Without Opposition. Impact: The adjournment of the inquiry led to a decade of decisions made by people who were too lazy to show up. This eventually inspired a new trend in political apathy worldwide.. Fact: Fun fact: Not showing up to an important meeting is a time-honored tradition in politics, often referred to as 'the Houdini maneuver.'.
• Headline: Tragic Crossing Accident in Plainfield. Impact: The tragic accident resulted in a new town law requiring all drivers to take a mandatory 'How Not to Kill Pedestrians 101' course, paving the way for safer streets (but really just creating more bureaucracy).. Fact: Pedestrian safety campaigns became a thing because of incidents like this, proving that sometimes, tragedy is the best teacher..
• Headline: NEAR EAST SEETHES WITH RACIAL HATES; Ethnic and Religious Clashes Rage or Brew in Palestine, Iraq, Lebanon and Syria. IRAQI PEOPLE WON OVER New Regime Distributes Crown Lands Among Peasants -- Two New Republics.. Impact: These ethnic and religious clashes inadvertently led to the invention of the world’s most complicated board game: geopolitical chess, played with real lives and no clear rules.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'ethnic cleansing' was actually coined as a euphemism for 'we're really bad at sharing land'?.
• Headline: KASHDAN ANNEXES FIRST CHESS PRIZE; Plays to Draw With Seitz in Final Contest of Masters' Tourney at San Juan. MATCH GOES TO 18 MOVES German Expert in Second Place Ahead of Marshall, Who Has One Game to Complete.. Impact: Kashdan's win sparked a chess renaissance, leading to a global chess craze that resulted in the world’s largest gathering of nerds, all obsessing over 64 squares.. Fact: Did you know that chess was once banned in some countries because it was deemed too intellectual? Guess they didn’t want anyone getting smart!.
• Headline: A MARSUPIAL LION. Impact: The discovery of the marsupial lion led to a massive influx of paleontology enthusiasts, who now believe they can also find a unicorn if they just dig deep enough.. Fact: Fun fact: Marsupial lions existed long before lions were cool, proving once again that being trendy is overrated..
• Headline: DISCOUNTS REPORTS ON QUODDY REVIVAL; Engineer Says Work Now Going On Is to Meet Existing Contracts.. Impact: The denial of the Quoddy revival rumors caused engineers to pivot to more lucrative projects, leading to the rise of the modern amusement park—because who doesn’t love overpriced cotton candy?. Fact: Did you know that sometimes projects get canceled just to keep the rumor mill running? It's like a soap opera for engineers!.
• Headline: HIGHER LIMIT SEEN IN BANK RESERVES; Hint of Further Increase in Requirements Made in Statement by Eccles. EXCESS NOW ABOVE NEEDS Federal System's Chairman Says Action Is Being Weighed as Result of Big Total. HIGHER LIMIT SEEN IN BANK RESERVES. Impact: The hint of higher bank reserves led to a collective panic that birthed the modern financial crisis, proving once and for all that money truly does make the world go round—into recession.. Fact: Did you know that bank reserve requirements are just a fancy way of saying 'we're holding your money hostage for our own good'?.