NOVEMBER 18, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Paterno's Alimony Jail Conditions Revealed. Impact: Had Paterno not been ordered to pay, he might have opened a 'Free Alimony Fund' that would have inspired a new wave of financial revolutions, turning alimony into a trendy investment opportunity.. Fact: Alimony: the ancient art of 'I can’t believe I have to pay you for that.'.
• Headline: Pittsburgh Students Triumph in Football Strike. Impact: This victory might have sparked a nationwide trend where students realize they can negotiate for better lunch options, leading to a golden age of cafeteria cuisine—just imagine gourmet mac and cheese.. Fact: Strikes: the only time students can skip class and still feel productive about it..
• Headline: Irene Ward on British Democracy. Impact: If only her words were taken seriously, we might have avoided a lot of 'hold my beer' moments in global politics.. Fact: Democracy: because who wouldn’t want to put their fate in the hands of a crowd?.
• Headline: SUBWAY CONTRACT LET; 6th Av. Line From 47th to 53d St. to Cost $4,616,476.. Impact: This contract could have been the start of an underground revolution, leading to secret subway societies where folks would gather to discuss the meaning of life in cramped, dark tunnels.. Fact: Subways: the only place where you can get up close and personal with strangers while pretending you're not..
• Headline: MANN ACT TERMS FOR 8; Last of 40 Defendants In New England Ring Sent to Prison.. Impact: Had these defendants opted for a career in baking instead of crime, we might have seen the birth of 'Mann's Bakery,' where the only thing rising would be dough instead of criminal charges.. Fact: The Mann Act: because sometimes you just need a law to make you feel better about your poor life choices..
• Headline: ASKS BAN ON BROADCAST; Justice Sweedler Says 'Good Will Court' Is Imitation of His.. Impact: If Justice Sweedler had not raised this issue, we might have ended up with reality TV courtroom shows—imagine a world where lawsuits become entertainment.. Fact: Court dramas: the one place where you can yell 'objection!' and still look professional..
• Headline: Italian Ship Believed Sunk. Impact: The sinking of this ship may have indirectly led to the invention of the life jacket, resulting in a boom in the maritime safety industry—saving countless lives, but also creating a booming market for fashionably colorful floatation devices.. Fact: Ships have a great sense of humor; they always seem to 'sink' at the worst possible times..
• Headline: SILVER TAX LINKED TO STABILIZATION; Jackson Argues in Supreme Court for Government Weapon in a World Conference. THINKS POWERS WILL ACT Retroactive Phase of Purchase Act Is at Stake in Case of 50% Levy on P.K. Hudson's Profit.. Impact: If the Supreme Court had ruled differently, we might have seen a global silver rush, with people digging in their backyards instead of investing in stocks—who needs Wall Street when you have your own mine?. Fact: Taxation: the government’s way of reminding you that nothing is ever truly yours..
• Headline: Tailor Slain in Canarsie. Impact: This tragic event may have sparked a movement for better protection of artisans, potentially leading to modern labor laws that could have saved countless lives and livelihoods.. Fact: The loss of a craftsman is a somber reminder that every stitch counts in the fabric of society..