NOVEMBER 5, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: SEC Allows Withdrawal of Security Statements. Impact: This withdrawal set off a chain reaction of companies deciding to hide their data better than a magician at a children's party. Fast forward a few decades, and now we have tech giants with more secrets than a spy movie.. Fact: Did you know that the SEC's motto should probably be 'Trust us, we promise we’re watching'? Spoiler alert: they’re not..
• Headline: STATE JOB RELIEF ACT DEFENDED BY BENNETT; Unemployment Insurance Valid Under Taxing Power, Says Brief Filed in the Supreme Court.. Impact: This legal defense not only upheld unemployment insurance but also inspired a new wave of memes about the joys of being 'unemployed and fabulous.' Thank you, Bennett, for the viral content.. Fact: Did you know that unemployment insurance was originally meant to keep people from starving? Now it just keeps them from binge-watching all day without guilt..
• Headline: LAYS VICTORY TO LABOR; Daniel J. Tobin Says Unity Made Roosevelt Vote Possible.. Impact: Tobin's assertion about labor unity caused a ripple effect in future elections, prompting labor unions to collectively think they could do anything, including running for office themselves. Spoiler: they were terrible at it.. Fact: Did you know that labor unity is basically the adult version of 'We can do it if we all work together'? And we all know how well that goes in group projects..
• Headline: POLITICAL TALKS COSTLY; Parties' Bill to WOR During the Campaign Was $51,906.. Impact: This extravagant spending on campaign broadcasts paved the way for modern political ads, which are now less about issues and more about who can yell the loudest, proving that money does indeed buy you a louder microphone.. Fact: Did you know that the best political ads are like ice cream? They can be delightful, but too much of them may cause nausea and regret..
• Headline: To Weigh District Bond Case. Impact: The SEC's hearing on bond cases sent shockwaves through Wall Street, resulting in brokers developing a new strain of insomnia known as 'bond anxiety.' It’s like regular anxiety, but with more spreadsheets.. Fact: Did you know that 'bond anxiety' is a real thing? It's when you realize that your financial future is as secure as a paper boat in a hurricane..
• Headline: New Destroyer Is Commissioned. Impact: The commissioning of the new destroyer led to an arms race so intense that by the next decade, ships were more advanced than the average smartphone. Who knew naval warfare would become the tech industry's playground?. Fact: Did you know that destroyers are basically the cool kids of the navy? They’re like the sports cars of the sea, except they can also blow things up. How's that for a dual purpose?.
• Headline: 'CRIMELESS' VOTING HAILED BY MAYOR; He Praises Police for Helping City to Hold 'First Honest Election in Years.'. Impact: This so-called 'honest election' resulted in such a high voter turnout that politicians began to wonder if they could get away with holding 'honest elections' more often. Spoiler: they could not.. Fact: Did you know that a 'crime-less' election is as rare as finding a unicorn? And yet, here we are, celebrating it like it's the best thing since sliced bread..