OCTOBER 31, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bidding Opens for Marine Parkway Bridge Contract. Impact: The successful bid for the park contract led to a series of questionable decisions about urban development, inadvertently inspiring the infamous 'Concrete Jungle' aesthetic of the 1970s. If only they had known that parks were for, you know, 'nature' and not just a parking lot for humans.. Fact: Did you know that parks were once considered a luxury? Now they're just overpriced grass patches where we pretend to enjoy nature while scrolling our phones..
• Headline: Columbia Seeks Game Against Fordham. Impact: The rivalry between Columbia and Fordham sparked a long-standing tradition of college sports, which eventually escalated into the overhyped, overpriced sporting events we see today. Thanks, Columbia! You've turned school spirit into a commercial circus.. Fact: Did you know that college football is the only sport where you can pay to watch students get a 'real-life' education in dodging debt?.
• Headline: Nazism's Influence in Milan, 1936. Impact: The arrival of the unnamed article's subject in Milan was the butterfly that flapped its wings and led to the eventual rise of Italian fashion. Next thing you know, everyone was strutting around in overpriced leather jackets pretending they were in a Fellini film.. Fact: Fun fact: Milan is not just the fashion capital of the world; it's also where you go to realize that you will never look as good as the mannequins..
• Headline: Jones and Little Beat Smith-Thomson, 2 and 1. Impact: Jones and Little's victory in this match-up set the stage for future rivalries in sports, paving the way for generations of athletes to argue about who really deserves a trophy for just showing up.. Fact: Did you know that in most sports, the only thing more inflated than the egos of the players are the trophies they win for simply being there?.
• Headline: URGES NEW EVENT FOR MOTOR BOATS; Recommendation for National Regatta Here Is Made by Remon, A.P.B.A. Official. GAINS IN SPORT REPORTED Elaborate Plans for Future Include an Exhibition of Famous Racing Craft.. Impact: The push for a national regatta was the first ripple that eventually led to the Olympic sports craze. Now, we gather to watch people paddle a boat while we sit on our couches, sipping soda and calling it 'supporting local athletes'.. Fact: Did you know that motor boating is just a fancy way of saying 'watching rich people race their toys'? Sounds thrilling, right?.
• Headline: Tuition Fees and Football Costs. Impact: The complaints about tuition fees and football costs kicked off a never-ending cycle of financial debates in academia, eventually leading to students graduating with enough debt to buy a small country. Thanks for nothing, Columbia!. Fact: Fun fact: College football tickets cost more than a seat at Broadway, but at least on Broadway, the drama is scripted!.
• Headline: PHILADELPHIA HOTELS ASK BANKRUPTCY AID; 5 Companies Appeal for Reorganization, Blaming Troubles on the Depression.. Impact: The bankruptcy of Philadelphia hotels during the depression signaled the beginning of the hospitality industry's realization that perhaps they shouldn't build fancy places where people have to spend money they don’t have.. Fact: Did you know that hotels are just really expensive shelters for people who can’t figure out how to sleep in their own beds?.
• Headline: Japan's Pearl King Holds Rites for Oysters' Souls. Impact: The pearl king's rites for oysters inadvertently led to the rise of bizarre and extravagant burial rituals, which would later inspire those ridiculous celebrity funerals we see today. Sorry, oysters, you started a trend.. Fact: Did you know that oysters are the original divas? They can be fancy and delicious, but they also demand a lot of respect at their funerals..
• Headline: JANNAZZO FIGHTS DRAW WITH GARCIA; Crowd Displeased With Split Verdict After Filipino Forces Most of Action. RIVAL DOWN FOR NO COUNT Rallies After Right Floors Him -- Garden Fans Boo Spoldi Decision Over Brink.. Impact: The controversial draw in the boxing match sparked debates about fairness in sports, leading to the endless replays and reviews that now plague modern sports. Thanks for setting that precedent, guys!. Fact: Did you know that boxing is the only sport where you can get knocked out and still argue about who really won? Talk about a 'punchy' debate!.
• Headline: Article 4 -- No Title. Impact: The dedication of the statue in Druid Hill Park set off a chain of events leading to countless public art installations that we now walk past without a second glance, as if they were just another piece of urban furniture.. Fact: Fun fact: Statues are basically the way society says, 'Look, we can make art too!' while secretly hoping nobody asks what it means..