OCTOBER 13, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Borah Blocks Utah Speeches in 1936. Impact: By banning speeches, Borah inadvertently set the stage for countless underground speech clubs, where people gathered in basements to whisper revolutionary ideas. Fast forward to the 90s, and you've got hipsters claiming to have 'revived' the art of spoken word.. Fact: Utah has some of the strictest speech codes... right next to their strictest ice cream flavors. Vanilla is *not* an option..
• Headline: Tragic Collapse at State Funeral. Impact: The collapse of Aide Gouidec at a state funeral sparked a series of unfortunate events leading to a nationwide trend of overly dramatic fainting spells at public events. It's now a competitive sport.. Fact: Funerals are such a stressful environment that even the aides can't handle it. Talk about a job hazard!.
• Headline: ARGUES HEARST WIRE SUIT; Counsel for Black Committee Contends Senate Is Above Courts.. Impact: This case set a precedent for politicians believing they are above the law—leading to the eventual rise of 'politician immunity' as a pop culture phenomenon. Cue the eye rolls.. Fact: The Senate: where every day is a lesson in how to dodge accountability like it’s an Olympic sport..
• Headline: Stickler for Rules Loses Hungarian Cabinet Post. Impact: Marshal Somkuthy’s refusal to hold a military funeral led to a series of increasingly bizarre cabinet meetings, eventually resulting in the introduction of 'funeral-free Fridays' for all Hungarian officials.. Fact: In Hungary, it’s less about who you know and more about how well you can navigate ceremonial protocols without offending anyone!.
• Headline: NEWARK INQUIRY AWAITED; Selection of Commissioner to Be Next Step in City Investigation.. Impact: The Newark inquiry became a template for city investigations everywhere, proving that when it comes to bureaucracy, nothing says ‘we’re taking it seriously’ like dragging your feet for months.. Fact: Mayor Ellenstein is said to double as a fortune teller—because in politics, predicting the next scandal is a critical skill!.
• Headline: HOEPPELS LOSE APPEAL; Supreme Court Refuses Review to Representative and Son.. Impact: The Supreme Court's refusal to review this case led to an entire generation of 'who cares' attitudes toward justice, paving the way for future generations to take 'legal advice' from social media influencers.. Fact: The Supreme Court: where your case goes to die, but at least they won't charge you for the funeral..
• Headline: LEHMAN WILL OPEN CAMPAIGN TONIGHT; Address in Valley Stream to Start Busy Week, With Tammany Talk Tomorrow. PLANS TO STRESS RECORD Governor Issues Booklet Giving His Achievements in Office -- Talks Up-State Thursday.. Impact: Lehman’s campaign launch inadvertently inspired a slew of political pamphlets that were misinterpreted as pamphlets for local pizza joints, leading to a spike in confused voters and hungry constituents.. Fact: Tammany Hall: because nothing says ‘I care about your vote’ like a pizza party disguised as a political gathering!.
• Headline: Article 2 -- No Title. Impact: The clash between the White Sign members and Moslems ignited a series of events that eventually led to the creation of community dialogue forums—where people could argue about their differences over coffee instead of knives.. Fact: Stabbing over beliefs? Sounds like a twisted version of 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire,' but with way higher stakes..
• Headline: Colvin -- Kronenberg. Impact: The marriage of Colvin and Kronenberg set off a chain reaction of awkward family reunions where everyone pretended to remember who the hell everyone else was. These gatherings are still infamous for their 'who's who' confusion.. Fact: Marriage: the only war where you get to fight for control of the remote without any actual power..