OCTOBER 8, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Funeral Drivers Strike for Pay Increase. Impact: The strike led to an unexpected boom in DIY funerals. People started getting creative, using everything from cardboard boxes to garden carts. The funeral industry had to adapt, leading to the rise of 'funeral planning consultants'—because who doesn't want to discuss their final resting place over brunch?. Fact: Funeral drivers striking is a serious business. Just imagine the irony of a hearse stuck in traffic because the driver decided to take a stand for better wages..
• Headline: Hamilton Critiques Minnesota Fusion Politics. Impact: This moment sparked a series of political rivalries that led to an endless cycle of 'who can out-radical the other' in Minnesota politics. Today, they still can't decide if they want to be progressive or just really, really confused.. Fact: J.D.M. Hamilton probably didn't realize that his complaints would lead to a never-ending series of political debates that make soap operas look like documentary films..
• Headline: RETAILERS WARNED UNDER PATMAN LAW; Told Not to Accept Producers' Word That Contracts are Discriminatory.. Impact: This law led to retailers becoming expert negotiators. They started forming secret societies to decode producer contracts, eventually sparking the rise of 'Retailer Conspiracy Theories'—the latest buzz being that all chocolate is secretly made from kale.. Fact: If you think reading the fine print is tedious now, just wait until you try deciphering a contract under the Patman Law. It’s like reading a novel written in hieroglyphics!.
• Headline: Wine Caves Are Dedicated. Impact: This dedication led to a wine renaissance where people began to think 'caves' were the new 'it' thing for parties. Wine caves turned into the hipster version of a backyard BBQ, and suddenly everyone was a sommelier.. Fact: Wine caves: because why drink wine in a boring, regular space when you can sip it in a damp, dark hole in the ground? Classic!.
• Headline: UNION OIL PROFITS ROSE WITH PRICES; $1 a Share Reported for Nine Months, Against 91 Cents in Same Time in 1935. CURRENT ASSETS HIGHER Reports of Corporations in Many Line and Wide Areas, With Figures of Comparison.. Impact: The rising profits allowed Union Oil to invest in a new line of products: scented oil. This led to the birth of 'aromatherapy' and the trend of using essential oils to mask the smell of financial greed.. Fact: Imagine being so profitable that your biggest worry is whether to invest in lavender or eucalyptus-scented oil. Ah, the life of an oil tycoon!.
• Headline: Nyack Police Chief Resigns. Impact: The resignation led to a shakeup in the local law enforcement community, paving the way for a new chief who introduced a 'no donuts' policy. This radical approach caused a local bakery to pivot to gluten-free options amidst widespread protests.. Fact: When police chiefs resign, it’s usually a sign of trouble. But when they do it in Nyack, it’s just your average Tuesday..
• Headline: BROWDER RADIO BAN DEMANDED BY D.A.R.; State Meeting at Rochester Urges the F.C.C. to Act Against All Communists.. Impact: The demand for a radio ban led to the emergence of 'underground radio stations' that became the first platforms for rebellious musicians. This inadvertently started the punk rock movement—thank you, D.A.R.!. Fact: Who knew that banning radio could lead to the birth of punk? Guess they didn’t see that coming, huh?.
• Headline: BRITAIN URGES U.S. AND JAPAN TO KEEP PACIFIC FORTS CURB; Asks a 3-Power Accord to Bar New Construction in Islands When Present Pact Expires. SWANSON SOUNDS WARNING ' Fortifications Must Be Met With Fortifications,' He Says -- No Official Reply. PACIFIC FORTS CURB PUSHED BY BRITAIN. Impact: This plea for peace led to years of diplomatic back-and-forth, which ultimately resulted in two nations building secret fortifications that would later be the subject of countless conspiracy theories about alien landings.. Fact: Nothing says 'we trust you' like asking your neighbors not to build bigger forts. It’s like a playground standoff, but with more geopolitical implications..
• Headline: Burlap Shipments Drop. Impact: The drop in burlap shipments led to a nationwide panic over the availability of potato sacks, which caused an unexpected surge in the popularity of reusable grocery bags—the modern-day burlap, minus the charm!. Fact: Burlap: the fabric that was once essential for potatoes and now serves as a hipster's favorite tote bag. Progress!.