SEPTEMBER 14, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pope's Possible Call for Crusade Against Communism. Impact: Pope's demand for a crusade against Reds leads to a secret society of rebellious priests who accidentally invent the modern-day hipster movement. They start wearing beards and drinking artisanal coffee instead of fighting communism.. Fact: The last time the Pope called for a crusade, it involved actual swords, not just public relations campaigns..
• Headline: Factories Again Seized in 1936. Impact: The seizure of factories sets off a chain reaction, leading to the rise of 'Factory Cats,' a meme phenomenon where cats take over factory floors and distract workers, resulting in record low productivity rates.. Fact: Factory seizures often lead to very different outcomes than people expect; instead of revolution, expect cat videos..
• Headline: Feller Strikes Out 17 in Historic Game. Impact: B Feller's record-breaking strikeouts inspire a future generation of baseball players to pursue increasingly ludicrous training regimens, leading to the invention of yoga for pitchers.. Fact: Strikeouts were once considered a bad thing—thankfully, this record helped redefine failure as success in the world of sports..
• Headline: School Begins Today; Five Boys Disappear. Impact: The disappearance of five boys leads to an elaborate scavenger hunt that becomes the basis for the popular children's game 'Hide and Seek,' which is still played today under much less dire circumstances.. Fact: The original 'Hide and Seek' was just called 'Running Away from Responsibilities.'.
• Headline: Insurance Course in Columbia. Impact: The introduction of an insurance course at Columbia leads to a future wave of students who, instead of studying, just learn how to avoid adulting altogether.. Fact: Insurance is the only thing that promises to protect you from life—if only it could protect you from student loans!.
• Headline: BRITISH SHUN DRIVE OF HITLER ON REDS; Think He Is Trying to Sidetrack Chief Problem of Europe, Resistance to Nazi Arms. ACCEPT LOCARNO DELAY Would Let Things Settle Down -- Government Said to Prefer the Rebels in Spain.. Impact: British shunning of Hitler's anti-Red campaign leads to an unforeseen increase in British tea consumption, giving rise to a national obsession with scones and biscuits instead of actual political engagement.. Fact: Turning away from Hitler is a common theme in British history—right after they invented 'keeping calm and carrying on.'.
• Headline: Sheffield -- Goepel. Impact: The engagement announcement sends shockwaves through the Sheffield social scene, resulting in a secret matchmaking service that eventually leads to reality TV dating shows decades later.. Fact: Engagements have been known to bring out the worst in people—especially when they’re trying to plan a wedding on a budget..
• Headline: BLUM ORDERS END OF LILLE STRIKES; Ultimatum to the Employers Calls for Mediation by a Cabinet Member Today. FACTORIES AGAIN SEIZED Premier Visits Textile Center in Effort to End Menace of Vast Demonstration.. Impact: Blum's order to end strikes leads to a hidden network of textile workers discovering an ancient craft of knitting, which becomes a global trend, resulting in the rise of hipster knitters everywhere.. Fact: Strikes can lead to a lot of things—like knitting groups, which are just as fierce but with fewer picket signs..
• Headline: SPANISH ENVOY NOT NAMED; Washington Embassy Denies Successor to Calderon is Chosen.. Impact: The lack of a named Spanish envoy leads to Washington D.C. becoming the epicenter of awkward diplomatic conversations, paving the way for future generations to experience the horrors of small talk.. Fact: Diplomacy is just like dating—nobody really knows what they’re doing, and everyone hopes for the best..
• Headline: LANDON CHEERED AT MAINE CHURCH; Portland Methodists Applaud the Presidential Candidate as He Arrives and Departs. POLITICS DROPPED FOR DAY Motors After Services to Topsfield, Mass., for Quiet Evening With Boston Editor. LANDON CHEERED AT MAINE CHURCH. Impact: Landon's cheerful reception at a church leads to an unintended trend where politicians start using churches as campaign stops, effectively turning them into the first-ever political rally venues.. Fact: Politicians have been trying to capitalize on spirituality long before social media influencers made it a thing—who knew God and politics would mix so well?.