SEPTEMBER 12, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Typhoid Mass Inoculation in Englewood. Impact: If it weren't for the mass inoculation in Englewood, a strange butterfly effect might have led to a future where everyone in the U.S. is forced to wear Typhoid-themed costumes every Halloween. Thankfully, that nightmare was averted.. Fact: Fun fact: Typhoid fever is spread by the ingestion of food or water contaminated with the feces of an infected person. So, maybe don’t eat at questionable food trucks..
• Headline: Penalty for Pitchers in 1936 Baseball. Impact: Had we put pitchers in cages, Major League Baseball might have turned into a bizarre reality show where fans throw peanuts at them while they try to pitch. Ratings would’ve skyrocketed, but so would the number of lawsuits.. Fact: Cages are not just for baseball pitchers—every time I have to listen to someone talk about their fantasy team, I feel like they should be in one too..
• Headline: Funeral Procession for Dr. Koe poheh. Impact: Dr. Koepeh's passing might have sent shockwaves through the medical community, leading to a future where physicians wear capes and refuse to treat anyone unless they’re wearing superhero masks. So, you know, a bit dramatic.. Fact: Fun fact: Funerals have been around since the dawn of humanity—probably to make sure people have a reason to wear their best black attire..
• Headline: MISS EDITH LORD ENGAGED TO WED; Chapin Alumna, Daughter of George de F. Lords, !s Fiancee of Charles G. Meyer Jr.. Impact: This engagement could have led to a future where the name 'Lord' becomes synonymous with 'overly dramatic family drama'—think of reality TV but with more tea and less actual content.. Fact: Engagements are just a fancy way of saying, 'We’re going to annoy each other for the foreseeable future.'.
• Headline: COUGHLIN ASSERTS PAGANISM IS ISSUE; Tells Brooklyn Crowd He Is Waging Campaign for Basic Christian Principles. STADIUM IS HALF FILLED O'Brien Cheered When He Calls Lemke, His Running Mate, 'Another Lincoln.' COUGHLIN ASSERTS PAGANISM IS ISSUE. Impact: Coughlin's assertion about paganism might have ignited a series of bizarre debates in future elections, where candidates would be questioned on their favorite mythical creatures instead of their policies. Imagine a town hall meeting about unicorns!. Fact: Fun fact: People have actually debated over the existence of mermaids, so this is not as far-fetched as it sounds..
• Headline: Railroad Car Statistics. Impact: The mere existence of railroad car statistics may have led to an alternate timeline where everyone decides they need to become railcar enthusiasts, and train conductors become the new rock stars. Prepare for rail-themed concerts!. Fact: Railroad statistics are like the boring uncle of data—nobody really wants to hear about them, but they can pull out some surprisingly interesting tales if you give them a chance..
• Headline: Pompoon and Action Favored in Stake Races on Card at Aqueduct Track Today; FIVE NAMED TO RUN IN JUNIOR CHAMPION. Impact: If Pompoon and Action had been the names of actual horses, they might have started a weird trend of naming pets after verbs, leading to a future where people walk their dogs named 'Run' and 'Fetch.'. Fact: Horse racing is basically just a fancy way of betting on which animal can run the fastest while wearing a ridiculous outfit..
• Headline: Lind -- Hubbell. Impact: Lind and Hubbell's marriage may have led to a future where all weddings feature a live-streaming service for friends who just can’t let go of their couches. 'We’re there in spirit!'. Fact: Weddings are just elaborate parties where you pay way too much to hear someone say, 'You may now kiss the bride.'.