SEPTEMBER 8, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Historic Royal Meeting in Sofia. Impact: This cordial meeting inspired a wave of royal diplomacy, leading to an unremarkable century of polite tea parties and the occasional awkward handshake that would eventually result in the invention of the modern day cringe-worthy selfie.. Fact: In the history of awkward royal encounters, this one ranks just below the time a British monarch tried to discuss the weather with a French diplomat..
• Headline: Historic Quebec Provincial Election Record. Impact: The record turnout paved the way for future elections where people would still line up for hours but would be far less enthused about the candidates. Thanks to this voting record, we now have reality TV celebrities running for office.. Fact: In Quebec, voting is a competitive sport. Who knew politics could be more thrilling than a hockey game?.
• Headline: Woll's Call for Labor Unity. Impact: This call for compromise united labor forces so well that decades later they would still be arguing about lunch breaks while fighting off the influence of faceless corporate entities, leading to the invention of the 'power lunch'.. Fact: Labor Day became the one day a year when workers could pretend to enjoy a day off before going back to the grind of 14-hour workdays..
• Headline: 6-HOUR DAY URGED BY GREEN TO UNIONS; Federation Chief at Knoxville Celebration Says Enemies Profit by C.I.O. Split.. Impact: This push for a 6-hour workday not only inspired more unions to advocate for workers' rights but also led to an explosion in the 'Netflix and nap' culture we see today—because why work when you can binge-watch?. Fact: If only the unions had known that all they needed to do was advocate for a 6-hour workday and then start a viral meme. They could have saved themselves all that trouble..
• Headline: SCHAEFER'S YAWL WINS AT STAMFORD; Edlu Gains Honors in Annual 232-Mile Vineyard Sound Race on Corrected Time. HAVEMEYER'S BOAT NEXT Apache Annexes Second Place Ahead of Clotho -- Page's Rampage II Fourth.. Impact: Schaefer's yacht winning the race led to a massive uptick in yacht ownership among the wealthy, which indirectly caused the rise of the nautical-themed Instagram influencer—truly the scourge of our times.. Fact: This race taught us that sailing is just like life: It’s not about how fast you go, but how well you can adjust your sails when the wind changes..
• Headline: Doubts Blum Can Hold Out. Impact: Doubts about Blum’s ability to hold out contributed to a long-standing tradition of political skepticism that would evolve into the modern practice of online trolling. Congrats, you played yourselves!. Fact: Political doubters have been around longer than the internet, proving that skepticism is the true constant in human nature..
• Headline: Spanish Envoy to Cuba Resigns. Impact: The resignation of the Spanish envoy to Cuba sparked a series of diplomatic blunders that led to the creation of new diplomatic protocols—mostly concerning how to avoid leaving a country in a huff.. Fact: Resigning as an envoy is just like breaking up with someone: it’s awkward, it’s public, and there’s usually someone left wondering what went wrong..
• Headline: Army's Strength Tested. Impact: The army's strength being tested foreshadowed future military exercises that would eventually lead to the creation of the world’s most elaborate game of hide and seek, which we now call ‘modern warfare.’. Fact: If you think military drills are boring, just wait until you see how they spice things up with themed maneuvers—like 'Pirates vs. Ninjas.'.
• Headline: MADRID FOOD SUPPLY IS CAUSING CONCERN; Feeding of Thousands of Militia Taxes Facilities -- Barcelona Lacks Raw Materials.. Impact: The food supply crisis in Madrid set off a series of economic discussions that would result in the invention of the phrase 'first world problems'—as if people in other parts of the world weren't also starving.. Fact: A food supply crisis is just like a bad dinner party: everyone is worried about the appetizers while the main course is falling apart..
• Headline: Hull Bluntly Warns World of War; Peril in 'Dangerous Ambitions'; He Tells International Power Conference That Governments and Peoples Must Beware of Those Who Preach Settlements by the Judgment of the Sword. HULL WARNS WORLD OF PERILS OF WAR. Impact: Hull's warning about the dangers of war served as a precursor to countless speeches about global conflict, eventually leading to the creation of the 'diplomatic speech'—the art of saying nothing while looking incredibly serious.. Fact: Warning the world about war is like telling a toddler not to touch the cookie jar; they will inevitably do it anyway, just to see what happens..