AUGUST 24, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Janice L. Currick's Elegant Wedding. Impact: If Janice hadn’t married Francis, the entire Levien family might have switched to a less fashionable last name, leading to a dramatic reduction in Brooklyn’s hipster population in the 21st century. Fact: Janice and Francis’s wedding was the first in history to feature a cake that was 90% fondant. The revolution in dessert design was slow to follow.
• Headline: N.Y.A.C. NETMEN WIN; Down Westchester Country Club Team, 6-3, at Travers Island.. Impact: The NYAC netmen's victory sparked a fierce rivalry that would ultimately lead to the invention of 'extreme tennis,' where players compete on hoverboards, and the nets are made of laser beams. Fact: The Westchester Country Club team was so upset they considered switching to chess, but thankfully, nobody has to witness that!.
• Headline: Miss Clark, Phillips Triumph. Impact: The triumph of Miss Clark and Phillips inspired countless other duo names, like 'Simon and Garfunkel' and 'Bert and Ernie', forever changing musical partnerships. Fact: E. Clark and G. Phillips never did form a band, but they did create a highly successful line of artisanal coasters.
• Headline: SEAL CATCH $1,750,000; Navy Transport Reaches Seattle With 52,466 Pribilof Skins.. Impact: This massive seal catch led to a peculiar fashion trend in the 1920s where everyone wanted to wear seal fur, inadvertently causing a fashion revolution that brought about the rise of faux furs. Fact: The seals were not consulted for their opinions on this fashion statement, which is why they still have a grudge against humans.
• Headline: Orders Bird Sanctuaries At Veterans' Hospitals. Impact: The bird sanctuaries at veterans' hospitals served as a peaceful refuge, inadvertently inspiring a movement where all hospitals must have therapy llamas to calm patients. Fact: If you think the idea of bird sanctuaries is odd, just wait until you hear about the hospital that tried to implement an alligator therapy program.
• Headline: WAIT UPON GREEN IN SEATTLE STRIKE; Federation Chief Seeks Data on Central Labor Council's Decision on Newspaper. HOW THE DISPUTE STARTED Alignment of Union Organization With the Guild Heavily Reinforced Picket Line.. Impact: The Seattle strike set a precedent for future labor disputes, leading to a world where every coffee shop has a 'workers’ union' meeting every Tuesday, making coffee breaks last for hours. Fact: This strike was so convoluted that even the picketers needed a flowchart to understand what they were protesting about.
• Headline: MGR. BRUDER MARKS 60TH YEAR AS PRIEST; German Pastor, 85 and Active, Has Been With St. Joseph's Church for Half Century.. Impact: Mgr. Bruder's 60 years of priestly service inspired a surprising trend in 'extreme spirituality' where priests began skydiving while giving sermons, changing the nature of religious experiences forever. Fact: Celebrating a diamond jubilee is a lot like that awkward moment when you realize you've been doing the same thing for 60 years, and all your friends have already moved on to knitting.