AUGUST 17, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: 1936 Nutmeg Star Class Victory. Impact: This victory in sailing sparked an unquenchable thirst for adventure, leading to an exponential rise in nautical-themed TikTok videos, all featuring questionable dance moves on boats.. Fact: Nutmeg is actually a spice. Who knew sailing could be so aromatic?.
• Headline: Odor in Water Sends Residents to Hydrants. Impact: The panic over tainted water triggered a nationwide obsession with bottled water, leading to the rise of a billion-dollar industry, and inevitably, the creation of bizarre flavored waters like 'Cucumber-Basil-Bamboo.'. Fact: Turns out, if you want clean water, you can just wait for a rainstorm or move to a place that doesn’t treat water with fungus-fighting chemicals..
• Headline: Call for Christ's Leadership in 1936. Impact: This sermon ignited a series of 'Christ-themed' dictatorships across fictional worlds, resulting in a slew of poorly written fanfiction and a significant rise in the sale of crosses in the black market.. Fact: If only they knew how to market it; 'Dictatorship of Christ' sounds like the title of a bad reality TV show..
• Headline: THE STRAIGHT COURSE. Impact: Praise for the Governor’s actions led to a trend of political sycophancy that eventually resulted in the invention of the ‘Praise-O-Meter’—a device that measures how much you can flatter your way to success.. Fact: By the way, 'The Straight Course' is not a reference to a new diet plan, though maybe it should be..
• Headline: 600-Pound Tuna Caught By New York Woman. Impact: This monumental catch led to a worldwide tuna craze, resulting in the infamous 'Tuna Wars' where fishermen competed using increasingly ridiculous tactics, like fishing while skydiving.. Fact: 600 pounds of tuna? That's one hefty fish. I hope she at least got a good Instagram selfie with it..
• Headline: FAITH SEEN AS WARRIOR; It Brings Victory Over Evil, Not Safety From It, Dr. Davidson Says.. Impact: Dr. Davidson's perspective on faith turned it into a popular motivational meme, which inadvertently led to the rise of 'inspirational quotes' as a currency in social media.. Fact: Victory over evil sounds great, but a little safety wouldn't hurt either, right?.
• Headline: TO URGE LICENSED DRIVERS; Roper Conference Will Ask All States to Coordinate Auto Laws.. Impact: The push for licensed drivers eventually resulted in the creation of the 'Driver’s License Olympics'—a bizarre competition where people race to get their licenses while blindfolded.. Fact: Because nothing says 'safe driving' like getting everyone on the same page... or at least trying to..
• Headline: NUPTIALS ARE HELD FOR THELMA TOONE; Brooklyn Girl Wed in Chapel of Muhlenberg College to Harold H. Hieter.. Impact: The nuptials of Thelma Toone became the catalyst for a wave of wedding-themed reality TV shows, where couples compete for the most ridiculous wedding extravagance.. Fact: Marriage is just a fancy way of saying 'let’s annoy each other forever.'.
• Headline: "AMERICA" ON THE MAP. Impact: The inclusion of 'America' on maps led to a worldwide identity crisis for various countries, who started adding their own names in increasingly bizarre ways, like 'Fancy Land' or 'Not America.'. Fact: Maps are the original social media—full of drama, debates, and people arguing over territory..