JULY 24, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebration After Olympic Committee Meeting. Impact: This event likely sparked a series of all-night parties, leading to the invention of the infamous 'weekend warrior' who thinks they can function on two hours of sleep.. Fact: All-night parties are basically just an excuse for adults to relive their college years while complaining about how much they miss their bed..
• Headline: Alaska Colonists Plan Fair. Impact: If the Matanuska Valley Colony hadn't planned this fair, we might have never had the concept of 'Alaska State Fair' deep-fried everything, including the concept of good taste.. Fact: Colonists planning fairs is a great reminder that even in the wilderness, people will find a reason to gather and show off their overly ambitious pies..
• Headline: ALABAMANS JAIL 34 INFATAL LABOR RIOT; Warrants Charge Murder of Deputy to Five in Clash at Cotton Mill.. Impact: This tragic event likely led to stricter labor laws, teaching future generations that maybe, just maybe, working conditions shouldn't resemble a medieval dungeon.. Fact: Labor riots often remind us that the only thing more dangerous than a poorly maintained cotton mill is the frustration of those who work in it..
• Headline: LOAN FOR THE RIO GRANDE; $1,650,000 Trustees' Certificates Authorized by I.C.C.. Impact: This loan probably sparked an economic boom, which eventually led to people trying to finance their own 'Rio Grande' vacations and realizing that 'staycations' aren’t so bad after all.. Fact: Trustees' certificates are like the adult equivalent of a gold star on your report card, but with significantly less excitement..
• Headline: Finds Champlain Battle Relics. Impact: The discovery of these relics sent historians into a frenzy, leading to countless reenactments that revealed more about the past than any textbook ever could—mostly how bad people are at wielding fake swords.. Fact: Finding battle relics is the historical version of finding out your childhood toys are worth a fortune; both scenarios usually involve a lot of digging through old junk..
• Headline: WILSON COLLEGE AWARDS; Twenty-three Curran Scholarships Are Given, Each Worth $700,. Impact: These scholarships likely sparked a chain reaction of students attempting to write essays about why they 'totally deserve it,' setting the stage for future generations to study the art of desperate self-promotion.. Fact: Scholarships are like lottery tickets for smart people: you can win big, but most of the time, you're just left wondering what went wrong in your essay..
• Headline: MRS. LANDON PHONES CHILDREN AT RANCH; Takes Time in Busy Day of Dress-Changing to Find Out How They Are.. Impact: Mrs. Landon's phone call likely led to a series of future 'checking in' calls that eventually evolved into group chats filled with memes and unsolicited parenting advice.. Fact: Calling your children while changing outfits is the 1930s version of multitasking; let's just hope they didn't hear her drop a dress mid-conversation..