JUNE 15, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Western Mass for Corpus Christi Celebration. Impact: Bishop Kearney's mass inadvertently inspired a series of increasingly elaborate church potlucks, leading to a global obsession with casserole dishes that still haunts Sunday dinners.. Fact: The Feast of Corpus Christi is celebrated with a lot of bread and wine, making it the original 'bring your own snack' event—way before it was cool..
• Headline: Philadelphia Pastors' Walkout and Presbytery Clash. Impact: The walkout of Presbyterians over barred pastors ignited a nationwide trend of dramatic church exits, culminating in a reality show called 'Pulpit Wars: The Ultimate Showdown.'. Fact: This was just a precursor to the many times religious leaders have found a way to make everything about themselves. Who knew faith could be so... theatrical?.
• Headline: Dr. Moldenhawer's Call to Faithfulness. Impact: Dr. Moldenhawer's warning against lapsing faith set off a chain reaction that led to the invention of the 'Faith Check-In' app—because nothing says devotion like a reminder ping.. Fact: Funny how the most devout folks often need reminders to keep the faith. Maybe they should just add a calendar invite for divine intervention..
• Headline: 245 TO BE GRADUATED; Newark Normal School to Present Diplomas This Morning.. Impact: The graduation of 245 students at Newark Normal School created a ripple effect, leading to a national shortage of hats and gowns due to all the subsequent ceremonies, which became the ultimate fashion disaster.. Fact: Graduation caps were originally designed to be worn while doing the Macarena. Just kidding—those are the caps that only come out at family weddings..
• Headline: NATION EXHORTED TO LEARN TO THINK; Most of Us Allow Others to Work Out Our Problems, Dr. Samuel Trexler Holds.. Impact: Dr. Trexler's exhortation to think inspired a generation of armchair philosophers who still haven’t figured out that their thoughts about pizza toppings do not qualify as deep thinking.. Fact: If thinking were a sport, most of us would still be sitting on the sidelines, munching popcorn and watching the real thinkers play..
• Headline: ALLANTOIN HAILED AS EFFECTIVE DRUG; Success in Treating Burns Is Proved by Its Wide Use, Government Says.. Impact: Allantoin's acclaim as an effective drug for burns led to an unexpected side effect: people started using it as a cure-all, and thus began the great 'Everything is a Miracle' phase of alternative medicine.. Fact: Allantoin is made from plant secretions, which is just a fancy way of saying that nature is the original chemist, and we’re all just the confused interns..
• Headline: Soviet Cuts Passport Fee. Impact: Soviet cuts to passport fees were an attempt to boost tourism, inadvertently leading to the world's most awkward vacations where tourists thought they could just walk in and make friends with bears.. Fact: Lower fees? Who knew bureaucracy could be so generous! Next, they might cut the price of freedom... oh wait, never mind..
• Headline: Model Puerto Rican City Named Eleanor Roosevelt. Impact: Naming a Puerto Rican city after Eleanor Roosevelt sparked a worldwide trend of naming places after historical figures, resulting in a city called 'Franklin D. Roosevelt' in every other state—because why not?. Fact: Eleanor Roosevelt was known for her humanitarian efforts, but naming a city after her doesn't exactly make it a utopia, unless you count the occasional street fair..
• Headline: Aged Actors Are Entertained. Impact: The annual entertainment for aged actors turned into a viral online challenge, prompting a revival of long-forgotten plays and a dramatic increase in geriatric TikTok stars.. Fact: Who said retirement homes couldn’t be the new Broadway? They may just be the freshest talent pool for the next big drama series!.
• Headline: FATHER KELLY IS SPEAKER; Gives Baccalaureate for 165 Catholic Graduates in White Plains.. Impact: Father Kelly's baccalaureate speech inadvertently inspired a trend of overly dramatic graduation speeches, leading to a decade where every graduate felt compelled to quote Shakespeare and cry publicly.. Fact: Baccalaureate services have become the original 'let’s make everyone else feel awkward with heartfelt speeches' competition before it became a social media trend..