MAY 29, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Federal Budget Increase Discussion in Senate. Impact: This budget increase led to the creation of the 'Budgetary Butterfly Effect', where every dollar spent spawned a new government program, which in turn spawned more budget increases. By the year 2040, the government was giving out grants for the study of how to study budgets.. Fact: Did you know that if you stack $600,000,000 in $1 bills, it would reach the moon and back? Just kidding, it would reach the moon's parking lot..
• Headline: $100,000 Gift for Williams College. Impact: The generous donation led to the establishment of the first ever 'Trust Fund for Overly Ambitious Students', which eventually resulted in a generation of broke graduates who thought they could afford avocado toast.. Fact: In 1900, $100,000 was enough to buy a small island. Now it barely covers your monthly rent in a shoebox apartment..
• Headline: Borah's Speech Creates Political Uncertainty. Impact: Borah's enigmatic speech inspired generations of politicians to adopt the 'mysterious and vague' approach to public speaking, ultimately leading to the invention of political Twitter.. Fact: It’s fascinating how a speech can leave everyone confused. Kind of like every conversation I’ve had with my cat..
• Headline: Designated for West Point. Impact: The designation of R S Kilcourse and P P Pholman for West Point resulted in a tradition of confusing military acronyms that still perplex civilians to this day.. Fact: West Point is where future leaders are trained, although many of them still can't figure out how to fold a fitted sheet..
• Headline: PRIZES FOR NEW PLANTS; International Business Machines Wins Award by Magazine.. Impact: IBM's win started a trend of companies chasing awards like they were Pokémon, ultimately leading to the creation of the 'Best Office Coffee Machine' competition.. Fact: IBM’s original name was 'International Business Machines', but they dropped the 'yawn' from their branding..
• Headline: GEN. SPALDING SHIFTED; Division Engineer Here Becomes Assistant Chief of Staff of Army.. Impact: The bureaucratic shuffle of Gen. Spalding resulted in an intricate web of military hierarchy that led to the invention of the phrase 'It's above my pay grade'.. Fact: In the military, 'shifting' positions is just a fancy way of saying, 'We have no idea what to do with you, so good luck out there!'.
• Headline: WPA Wage Rate Rose in April. Impact: The rise in WPA wages was like giving a toddler a sugar rush; it led to unexpected bursts of productivity followed by inevitable crashes and tantrums.. Fact: 43.8 cents an hour was a fortune back then! Now, it barely covers the tip at a coffee shop..
• Headline: COURT ACTS TO STOP NOTEHOLDERS' SUITS; Junior Partner in Law Firm Is Said to Have Issued $350,000 Without Authority.. Impact: This court action set a precedent that led to the phrase 'I didn’t authorize that' becoming the most common excuse in corporate America, right next to 'the dog ate my report'.. Fact: Issuing money without authority is still a thing today, just ask anyone trying to leave a restaurant without paying..
• Headline: ASKS ROOSEVELT TO COAST; Los Angeles Mayor Says He Will Go in Late Summer.. Impact: The mayor's invitation to Roosevelt resulted in a chain of political beach outings that eventually led to the disastrous 'Surfing with Congress' TV show.. Fact: If Roosevelt had taken that coast trip, he might have invented the first presidential surfboard—too bad that wasn't a thing..
• Headline: Aid to Small Companies Seen. Impact: The call for aid to small companies eventually birthed a plethora of government programs that made small businesses feel like they were receiving 'help' from a bull in a china shop.. Fact: Small businesses provide most of the jobs in America, which is ironic considering they also have the most job-related stress—thanks, government!.