MAY 22, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Insurance Executives Face Legal Consequences. Impact: Little did the world know that the jailing of J E Biederman would inspire a whole new generation of insurance fraudsters who would later go on to sell 'invisible' policies for things like happiness and good vibes. Thanks, Biederman, for sparking the entrepreneurship of the morally flexible!. Fact: Did you know that selling insurance without a license is illegal? Shocking, right? It's almost like they want you to be responsible!.
• Headline: Abitibi Power and Paper Achievement. Impact: The report in 1935 about Abitibi Power and Paper led to a massive increase in paper consumption. Fast forward a few decades, and we have a world drowning in paper towels, napkins, and unnecessary receipts. Thanks for the paper trail, Abitibi!. Fact: Fun fact: Abitibi is French for 'I should have invested in digital media.'.
• Headline: Hunter College Leaders Elected in 1936. Impact: The election of hunter leaders to the College Self-Government Association set off a chain reaction that would eventually lead to college students organizing a protest against the cafeteria food. The revolution starts with a bad meatloaf!. Fact: Did you know that the most dangerous animal on campus is still the student who forgot to turn in their paper on time?.
• Headline: Honduran President Lets Exiles Fly Home Free. Impact: When the Honduran President let exiles fly home free, it ignited a trend that would later inspire airlines to offer 'free' baggage if you promise to leave your sanity at the door.. Fact: Did you know that amnesty can also be translated as 'let's pretend we didn't just have a political crisis'?.
• Headline: Bars Plattsburg PWA Loan. Impact: The injunction against the PWA loan to Plattsburg set a precedent for future politicians to find creative ways to create roadblocks for progress. It's like watching a game of bureaucratic chess, but nobody's winning.. Fact: Did you know that PWA stands for 'Please Wait Awfully'? Because delays are just part of the charm!.
• Headline: Malone Mills to Reopen. Impact: The reopening of Malone Mills marked the beginning of a series of questionable fashion trends that would ensue from the mill's production. Who knew that mills could be the birthplace of both textiles and terrible decisions?. Fact: Did you know that 'Malone' is actually a Gaelic term that means 'the place where fashion dreams go to die'?.
• Headline: $3,200,000 ACTION ON RAIL DEAL FILED; Missouri-Pacific Trustee Asks Recovery of Loss Charged to Interlocking Directorships. VOIDED CONTRACT SOUGHT Purchase by Alleghany and Terminal Shares Attacked in Federal Court.. Impact: The $3,200,000 action on the rail deal filed set off a chain reaction of lawsuits that convinced everyone that interlocking directorships were as common as bad sitcoms. And just as painful to watch.. Fact: Did you know that interlocking directorships are like a bad relationship? No one really knows how they got there, but it’s messy for everyone involved!.
• Headline: DIVINE ADHERENTS IN COURT UPROAR; 250 Followers of Evangelist Shout at Trial That He Is 'God, Almighty.' COAL SELLER QUESTIONED Magistrate Finds Difficulty in Hearing Case Because of the Cries From Spectators.. Impact: The uproar in court over Father Divine being proclaimed 'God, Almighty' led to a series of divine debates that would later inspire reality TV shows about spiritual leaders. The Kardashians would be proud.. Fact: Did you know that shouting in court is frowned upon? Unless you’re an evangelist, then it’s just part of the job description..
• Headline: HEALTHY CHURCH HELD SAFEGUARD TO NATION; Dr. Sockman Tells Conference of Congregationalists It Is Bulwark of Democracy.. Impact: Dr. Sockman's declaration of a healthy church as a safeguard to the nation led to the rise of many a 'wellness' ministry, paving the way for a health craze that would have everyone thinking they could get fit by just praying about it.. Fact: Did you know that in America, church pews are often more comfortable than gym benches? Maybe that's why the real workout happens on Sundays..