APRIL 5, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Socialist Delegate Count Disparity in 1936. Impact: This socialist count sparked a chain reaction that led to an underground network of leftist book clubs and secret handshakes. By the end of the century, every hipster coffee shop was brewing organic fair-trade soy lattes while discussing Marxist theory, completely oblivious to the irony.. Fact: Did you know that leftists have historically been great at winning debates but not so much at winning elections? It's like a participation trophy for ideologies..
• Headline: George W. Gray's 'New World Picture'. Impact: George W. Gray's 'New World Picture' inspired a generation of scientists who mistook it for a manual on how to build a time machine. Spoiler: it didn't work, but it did lead to a lot of awkward conversations at dinner parties.. Fact: Fun fact: the book was so dense that it was used as a doorstop in many a physics lab. Who knew knowledge could be so heavy?.
• Headline: King Visits Oxford Student Rooms. Impact: King's casual visit to Oxford set off a royal trend of dropping in on universities, which eventually led to a series of disastrous guest lectures on etiquette and the proper way to wear a crown.. Fact: Did you know that kings are terrible at pop quizzes? They always think they can just 'rule' the answer out..
• Headline: HOFFMAN OPPOSED IN JERSEY PRIMARY ON 'JUSTICE' ISSUE; Fort Will Fight the Governor for Convention Seat, Basing Action on Hauptmann Case. WITHDRAWAL IS DEMANDED Executive, Defiant, Refuses to Quit Race -- Triple Inquiry Into Wendel Case Pushed. HOFFMAN OPPOSED IN JERSEY PRIMARY. Impact: The political drama in Jersey became a cautionary tale for future politicians. When they didn’t take their primary races seriously, they ended up giving motivational speeches to pigeons instead of voters. The pigeons loved it.. Fact: Fun fact: the Hauptmann case is one of those historical events that makes you realize, sometimes, reality is just as bizarre as fiction. Or worse..
• Headline: MILWAUKEE FIGHTS MYSTERY EPIDEMIC; With Many Stricken, Experts Are Unable to Find Cause.. Impact: Milwaukee's mystery epidemic led to a surge in conspiracy theorists claiming it was caused by extraterrestrial fast food. This, of course, resulted in a nationwide ban on mystery meat in school lunches. Thanks, aliens.. Fact: Did you know that when health experts can't identify the cause of an epidemic, it often leads to a spike in sales of tinfoil hats? Because who doesn’t like a good conspiracy?.
• Headline: Candidate Knox; FRANK KNOX, AMERICAN. A Short Biography. By Norman Beasley. Portrait Frontispiece. 184 pp. Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, Doran & Co. $1.. Impact: Frank Knox’s short biography inspired a slew of disappointing biographies that were even shorter. The trend of 'less is more' in biographies ultimately led to an entire genre of one-page life stories.. Fact: Did you know that Knox's life could have been summarized in a tweet? #FrankKnox #ShortButSignificant.
• Headline: NEW YORK A.C. WINS INDOOR POLO TITLE; Beats Cleveland R.C., 7-5, in U.S. High-Goal Game -- Squadron C Triumphs. NEW YORK A.C. WINS INDOOR POLO TITLE. Impact: The New York A.C.'s indoor polo victory led to an unexpected influx of polo enthusiasts who suddenly believed they were qualified to host their own matches in their backyards—leading to several backyard disasters and one unsanctioned match against a dog.. Fact: Did you know that indoor polo is the only sport where you can wear a helmet and still look ridiculous? It’s true!.
• Headline: ALLIED CHEMICAL SUES THE SEC HERE; Corporation Seeks to Keep Data on Sales Secret -- Twelfth Such Action.. Impact: Allied Chemical's lawsuit against the SEC sparked a generation of corporate lawyers who believed they could outsmart the government. Spoiler alert: they couldn't, but they did get a lot of billable hours.. Fact: Did you know that this lawsuit was the legal equivalent of a toddler declaring they can eat all the candy without getting a tummy ache? Yeah, that didn’t end well..
• Headline: SHIPPING ON COAST CONTINUES ACTIVE; Rates, Demand and Charter Volume Were Well Maintained Last Month. SAN FRANCISCO HAD GAIN Tonnage Movement Was 230,616 Greater Than in March, 1935 -- New Tankers Planned.. Impact: The active shipping on the coast led to a global spike in 'pretend sailor' costumes for children, which in turn created a booming market for inflatable boats meant for backyard use. Who needs the ocean, right?. Fact: Did you know that shipping rates are so complex, even the ships get confused? They often ask for directions to the nearest dock..