APRIL 4, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Princeton's Track Meet Admission Policy. Impact: The no-admission plan sparked a revolution in spectator sports. Years later, people would begin charging admission for watching paint dry, leading to a booming industry of boredom tourism.. Fact: Princeton's track meet was so exclusive that even the track tried to apply for a no-admission policy!.
• Headline: Sidewalk Struggles: A 1936 Discussion. Impact: This neglect led to the invention of the hoverboard, as frustrated pedestrians sought to avoid the annoyance of sidewalks altogether, inadvertently causing a surge in teenage injuries.. Fact: Sidewalk annoyances have historically included everything from gum on shoes to people stopping abruptly to check their phones—truly the bane of pedestrian existence!.
• Headline: Brower Leads Brooklyn Welfare Initiative. Impact: The appointment of Mrs. G E Brower as chairwoman sparked a nationwide movement for women in leadership, leading to the eventual rise of politicians who actually knew what they were doing.. Fact: Mrs. Brower’s leadership style was so effective that it was rumored she could convince a cat to take a bath!.
• Headline: DELAWARE POLLUTION LAID TO PHILADELPHIA; Four-State Conference Held in That City Accuses It as Chief Offender.. Impact: This accusation ignited a long-standing rivalry between Philadelphia and Delaware, eventually leading to a series of 'Clean-Up' events that were more like parties for environmental hipsters.. Fact: The pollution debate was so heated that it nearly resulted in a state-wide game of dodgeball, where trash was the only thing thrown around!.
• Headline: THOMAS WING WINS PRIMARIES IN CITY; Defeat of Socialist Old Guard in State Also Is Claimed by Radical Faction. ITS FIGURES ARE DISPUTED Conservatives Relyon Up-State Returns to Overcome Lead -- Waldman, Chairman, Loses.. Impact: Thomas Wing's victory inspired a generation of candidates who thought it was wise to use ‘wing’ as a metaphor for their political aspirations, leading to an era of winged politicians who could never quite land on a decision.. Fact: In the world of politics, winning a primary is like winning a goldfish at a carnival—you’ve got to keep it alive long enough to make it to the next event!.
• Headline: MISS VERRY WINS IN GOLF PLAY-OFF; Cards a 79 to Vanquish Miss Lawson After Tie in Event at Southern Pines.. Impact: Miss Verry's triumph led to the establishment of 'Miss Verry's Rules', where every tie in sports would henceforth require a dramatic sudden death playoff, much to the chagrin of referees everywhere.. Fact: Golf: the only sport where you can wear plaid and still be considered classy!.
• Headline: Apple a Day Keeping the Doctors Busy; Their Art Show Abounds in Painted Fruit. Impact: The art show caused a surge in fruit-themed art, leading to a bizarre era where artists painted everything from bananas to broccoli, prompting a nationwide debate on whether vegetables could be considered art.. Fact: If apples keep the doctors away, I can't imagine how many doctors were hiding behind painted fruit at that art show!.
• Headline: 3,500 OUSTED AIDES REINSTATED BY WPA; Dismissal of Relief Workers With 3 or More Dependents Called Misunderstanding.. Impact: This reinstatement created a ripple effect of job security, leading to a future where misunderstandings would become the top excuse for workplace mistakes—ultimately paving the way for a global 'Oops, My Bad' industry.. Fact: 3,500 reinstated aides is like the world's largest game of musical chairs, but with paperwork instead of music!.
• Headline: LIQUOR TAX FRAUD LAID TO 12-MAN RING; Federal Grand Jury Indicts Them and Four Corporations They Controlled. DUPING OF RETAILERS SEEN Gang Accused of Selling Bootleg as Fine Whisky, Using Government Stamps.. Impact: The exposure of this fraud led to stricter liquor laws, which eventually resulted in the rise of underground speakeasies that were way cooler than any bar on the block.. Fact: Bootlegging was once so popular that it was practically a rite of passage—much like binge-watching a whole season of a show in one night!.