MARCH 31, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Republican Leaders Honor Englewood's Mayor. Impact: The funeral of a former mayor leads to a series of political shifts, where the local government realizes they can't just rely on dead people for votes. This sparks a movement to raise awareness about the importance of living candidates, thus igniting the campaign for the 'Living Mayor Initiative'.. Fact: Funerals: the original networking events. You never know who you might meet while mourning!.
• Headline: Election Crisis in Spain, 1936. Impact: The chaos in Spain leads to a series of political debates that eventually inspire a new genre of soap opera, where every episode ends in a cliffhanger about election rigging. 'As the Polls Turn' becomes the most-watched show in Europe.. Fact: In Spain, the phrase 'political inquiry' is just code for 'we're all going to argue for the next three weeks'..
• Headline: Steel Plant Going at Capacity. Impact: The steel plant operating at full capacity triggers an unexpected shortage of metal for lawn ornaments. This ultimately leads to a nationwide crisis in garden decoration aesthetics, sparking a black market for decorative flamingos.. Fact: Steel plants: turning raw materials into… well, more raw materials! Who knew efficiency could be so boring?.
• Headline: James L. Morrison Acquitted. Impact: Morrison's acquittal sends shockwaves through the local tax office, prompting a new policy: 'If you're going to steal, at least make it creative'. This results in a surge of tax-related heists that put Hollywood heist movies to shame.. Fact: Acquitted but not innocent: Morrison's new career as a motivational speaker starts with 'How to Get Away with… Not Paying Taxes'..
• Headline: Pulpwood Loss Minimized. Impact: Minimizing pulpwood loss becomes a rallying cry for environmentalists, leading to the establishment of 'Pulpwood Preservation Day'. Ironically, the only ones who show up are the very people who were responsible for the loss in the first place.. Fact: Pulpwood: the unsung hero of every bad paper you ever wrote in school..
• Headline: FIRST PLAY BY NOVELIST; Mrs. Belloc Lowndes's 'Her Last Adventure' Seen in London.. Impact: Mrs. Belloc Lowndes's play becomes the trendsetter for novelists-turned-playwrights, leading to a wave of adaptations that somehow manage to be more bizarre than the original novels. 'War and Peace: The Musical' is born.. Fact: If you thought reading was hard, just wait until you see it on stage with jazz hands!.
• Headline: 50,000 CROATS RIOT AGAINST BELGRADE; Thirty Persons Are Wounded in Outburst Following the Funeral of a Convict. MARCHERS SEIZE WEAPONS Are Fired On by Police After They Break Windows of a Shop to Obtain Guns.. Impact: The Croat riots against Belgrade inspire a series of overly dramatic reenactments in high schools, culminating in a national movement to make history class more exciting through riot simulations. Parents everywhere rejoice.. Fact: Fun fact: the most dangerous thing you can do during a riot is to wear white. Just ask anyone who tried to blend in!.