MARCH 25, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Headmistress for Princeton School. Impact: If E Shippen had never been appointed, we might have ended up with a headmistress who believed in teaching only the virtues of knitting and tea-drinking, resulting in a nation of overly polite but uneducated citizens. How riveting!. Fact: Princeton has had quite the different headmasters and headmistresses over the years—some more obsessed with sports than education. Because, you know, who needs critical thinking skills?.
• Headline: Inadequate Air Defense Reported to Congress. Impact: This alarming report led to a sudden spike in aviation manufacturing, and somewhere in a parallel universe, a future generation of kids is now playing with model airplanes instead of video games. Thanks, Army Air Force!. Fact: You know, for a country that once declared 'peace is our profession,' we sure have a funny way of showing it with all these planes. Ever think we might just be overcompensating?.
• Headline: 1936 Augusta Women's Invitation Upsets. Impact: Miss Miley's bowing might have inspired a future generation of golfers to practice their etiquette more than their swing, leading to the rise of golf courses that also double as fancy tea parties.. Fact: This tournament marked a time when women had to prove their worth in sports while still managing to wear hats that could probably double as small umbrellas!.
• Headline: ELECTED AT DARTMOUTH; Football Players Are Chosen to Head Every Class.. Impact: Imagine a world where football players run the school—wait, that’s just like every other college! This would lead to a never-ending cycle of pep rallies and questionable decisions from the student council.. Fact: Because when it comes to making academic choices, who better to consult than someone who just tackled the quarterback last Friday?.
• Headline: HITLER PUTS RIGHTS OF REICH FOREMOST; They Stand Above Paragraphs of Pacts, He Tells Cheering Crowd of 20,000 in Berlin. EXPLAINS REJECTING PLAN Asks German Voters to Show World Actions Are Not Those of 'Lunatic' but Nation's.. Impact: Hitler's rise to power and manipulation of national pride set a dangerous precedent, creating an echo through history that would influence authoritarian regimes for decades, and still echoes today in various forms.. Fact: If only 20,000 people had decided to take a day off and skip the rally. History might have turned out a tad less catastrophic..
• Headline: MACY FUND GETS $200,000; Mrs. Kate Macy Ladd, Its Founder, Adds to Original Gift.. Impact: This generous donation might have launched a thousand charitable events, leading to an events industry that focuses more on glitz than the actual causes they're supporting. Thanks, Mrs. Ladd!. Fact: Macy’s might have started as a simple department store, but with donations like this, it became the funding source for countless 'incredibly necessary' charity galas. Because nothing says 'charity' like a diamond-studded invitation!.
• Headline: LABOR ACT RULED ENTIRELY INVALID BY CHICAGO COURT; Federal Judge Barnes Bars Bendix Plant Poll Ordered by National Board. BARGAINING HELD FORCED Employer Is Declared Deprived of Rights Under Constitution and Two Amendments. LABOR ACT RULED ENTIRELY INVALID. Impact: The ruling against the Labor Act sent shockwaves through labor rights movements, possibly delaying worker protections for years and leading to a future where 'employee rights' were a mere suggestion rather than a guarantee.. Fact: It's fascinating how a single court ruling can change the fate of countless workers. Just imagine if they had a time machine to go back and get things right!.
• Headline: POWERS WILL SIGN NAVAL PACT TODAY; Delegates of France, the U.S., Britain and Dominions See Substantial Benefits. ITALY IS IN CLOSE TOUCH Expected to Join Treaty When Sanctions End -- Japan Held Likely to Observe Terms. POWERS WILL SIGN NAVAL PACT TODAY. Impact: This naval pact could have set off an international game of 'who can build the biggest ship?', leading to naval showdowns that resemble a really intense game of battleship. Spoiler: no one wins.. Fact: It's funny how nations can agree on treaties but still can't agree on where to put the best croissants in Paris. Priorities, people!.
• Headline: VOTES TO EXTENB FHA AID; Senate Sets April 1, 1937, as New Limit for Modernizing Loans.. Impact: This decision to extend FHA aid might have inadvertently fueled the housing bubble of the late 2000s, proving that sometimes good intentions pave the way to financial hell.. Fact: Extending loans is a lot like giving candy to a kid—it might seem harmless until the sugar rush hits. And boy, did it hit hard in 2008!.