MARCH 8, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Hitler's Expansion: Rhineland Reoccupation. Impact: The Germans, feeling more confident than ever, decided that maybe they should just take over Europe. This decision caused a chain reaction that led to the invention of the world's most famous peace treaty, which ironically, no one really wanted to sign in the first place.. Fact: Did you know that the League of Nations had a better chance of uniting cats and dogs than actually preventing future wars? Spoiler alert: it didn't work..
• Headline: Exploring Creative Re-Education by Peterson. Impact: This book sparked a movement where everyone's idea of creativity involved a lot of questionable art and even more questionable educational methods, ultimately leading to the rise of modern art that looks like a toddler's finger painting.. Fact: Fun fact: 'creative re-education' sounds a lot more fun than it actually is. It pretty much means 'we're going to make you learn things you don’t want to learn.'.
• Headline: A Gallery of Russian Characters; EMBERS OF OLD RUSSIA. By Otto P. Peterson. 176 pp. New York: City College Cooperative Store. $1.50.. Impact: This book reignited interest in Russian history and literature, causing a surge in vodka sales and a few too many confused college students attempting to adopt a Russian accent.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Embers of Old Russia' is a metaphorical title, not a cooking guide for making borscht over a campfire..
• Headline: PICTURE SCRIPTS. A Series Cooperating Editors From the Lincoln School of Teachers College, Columbia University, Rebecca J. Coffin, Avah W. Hughes, Florence Matthews Tchaika, Lula E. Wright. New York: Edward Stern & Co. 10 cents each.. Impact: This series paved the way for all future educational materials, leading to the existence of textbooks that cost an arm and a leg and are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.. Fact: Did you know that picture scripts are basically the ancient ancestors of memes? Imagine history being taught through cat pictures..
• Headline: Chicken Thieves Are Lashed.. Impact: The harsh punishment for chicken thievery made people think twice before stealing poultry, but it also led to the rise of underground chicken markets, because apparently, the black market has always been a thing.. Fact: In some cultures, stealing a chicken is considered a serious offense. In others, it just means you’re really hungry..
• Headline: 25% OF MANAGERS JOIN BUTLER PLAN; 50 Independent Food Stores Have Agreed to Affiliate, Arthur C. Jones Says.. Impact: This agreement eventually led to a mega-corporation that sells overpriced organic kale and gluten-free everything, because why not capitalize on a good idea?. Fact: Fun fact: the 'Butler Plan' sounds ridiculously fancy but basically just means a bunch of managers decided to share their lunch menus. How thrilling..
• Headline: THE CHILDREN'S STORY CARAVAN. Collected and Edited by Anna Pettit Broomell. With an Introduction by Dorothy Canfield Fisher. Illustrated by Katharine Richardson Wireman. 320 pp. Philadelphia: J.P. Lippincott Company. $2.. Impact: This compilation led to the inevitable rise of bedtime stories, resulting in countless parents reading the same book over and over until they could recite it in their sleep. The children's resistance was futile.. Fact: Did you know that the first rule of storytelling is that if you can’t keep your kid awake, it’s probably not a very good story?.
• Headline: Insurance Profits Up 18% in Year. Impact: This news made insurance executives very happy, leading to more commercials about life insurance that no one asked for and a growing number of people questioning their own mortality.. Fact: Fun fact: If you think insurance is confusing now, just wait until you see the contracts they had in the 1930s. They were practically written in hieroglyphics..
• Headline: A PROPHET HONORED AT HOME; The Aga Khan Has Won a Hold on His People That Makes Him a Real Power in the East. Impact: The Aga Khan's influence led to a resurgence of interest in religious leadership, and who knew it would eventually lead to the rise of social media influencers claiming to be 'spiritual guides'?. Fact: Did you know that 'Aga Khan' translates to 'leader of the pack'? It's just too bad he didn’t have a reality TV show to really capitalize on that title..