FEBRUARY 15, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Children's Clothing Needed.. Impact: The shortage of children's clothing sparks a fashion revolution where kids begin to wear oversized adult clothing as a statement. This leads to an underground movement of miniature hipsters who redefine what it means to be 'cool' in playgrounds. Fact: If you think current kids' fashion is questionable, wait until you see how they repurpose their parent's 90s attire!.
• Headline: Guillotine That Beheaded Louis XVI Sold for $835. Impact: The sale of the guillotine sets off a bizarre collector's market for historical execution devices, leading to a new reality show called 'Antiques Roadshow: Death Edition.' Viewers are captivated by the dark art of collecting. Fact: Rumor has it that the guillotine will make a cameo in a future episode of 'Game of Thrones: The Collectibles Edition.'.
• Headline: Women Appointed to Keep Cattle Off Town's Roads. Impact: The appointment of women as cattle herders leads to an unprecedented rise in women-led agricultural movements, causing a nationwide obsession with farm-to-table dining. Cities are suddenly overrun with cows, confusing urban planners. Fact: In 2050, Stockbridge becomes known as the 'Cattle Capital of the World,' leading to a bizarre reality where cows are treated better than most city dwellers.
• Headline: Filling Golf Bags.; Parker, Official, Advocates Use of Wide Variety of Clubs.. Impact: The advocacy for a variety of golf clubs leads to the eventual creation of an absurd sport where players must use kitchen utensils instead of clubs. This bizarre twist on golf becomes a viral sensation in the 2030s. Fact: In future tournaments, players are often seen wielding spatulas and whisks, leading to serious debates about the definition of 'golf.'.
• Headline: INSIST STATES NEED FEDERAL RELIEF AID; Social Workers, Convening in Capital, Assert WPA Does Not Solve the Problems. REFUSALS OF WORK DENIED Delegates From 25 States Report Hardships Following End of Federal Grants.. Impact: The insistence on federal relief leads to a complicated web of bureaucracy that ultimately results in a new government branch: The Department of Overthinking Everything. Citizens spend decades navigating the labyrinth of paperwork just to get a sandwich. Fact: In a twist of irony, the government finally solves unemployment by creating a job just for filling out forms to apply for jobs.
• Headline: Georgia Golf Field Is Paced by Revolta; REVOLTA CARDS 69 TO TAKE GOLF LEAD Clips 3 Strokes From Par in Initial Round of $3,000 Thomasville Open. PENNA SECOND WITH 70 Beach Gets 71 to Gain Third -- Ghezzi and Thomson in Deadlock at 72.. Impact: Revolta’s golf prowess inspires an entire generation to take up the sport, inadvertently leading to a worldwide obsession with golf-themed reality shows where people play golf while skydiving or underwater. Spoiler: ratings plummet. Fact: In 2025, golf will be played on hoverboards, and players will be required to wear neon spandex—because apparently, that's where we’re headed.