FEBRUARY 11, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Artists Win European Trips in 1936. Impact: These artists winning trips to Europe likely led to the explosion of impressionism, causing future generations to pretend they understand abstract art at brunch. Fact: The only thing more pretentious than a modern art gallery is the artist who claims their work is 'a reflection of societal angst.'.
• Headline: General Hagood's WPA Funds Testimony. Impact: General Hagood’s desperate plea for funds probably inspired future military leaders to seek funding through bake sales, leading to an era where cupcakes could dictate foreign policy. Fact: WPA funds were once jokingly called 'stage money'—which is ironic, since the real drama was happening behind the scenes.
• Headline: DENISON GETS LIBRARY.; South Orange Woman and Sister Give $231,000 to University.. Impact: The endowment of a library could have sparked an intellectual revolution, leading to the invention of the internet five decades earlier—though we might still be arguing over dial-up speeds. Fact: In the world of libraries, the Dewey Decimal System is the original social media platform for book nerds.
• Headline: THE DAY IN WASHINGTON. Impact: The adjournment out of respect for C. Curtis likely led to a series of future adjournments that have made Congress the ultimate experts in procrastination. Fact: If Congress had a dollar for every time they adjourned, they could probably fund a few of those ambulance repairs.
• Headline: Seek Funds to Repair Ambulance. Impact: Raising funds for an ambulance might have inspired future charity events, setting the stage for bake sales and silent auctions where no one actually bids on anything. Fact: Bridge parties were basically the 1930s version of networking events, minus the awkward small talk about the weather.
• Headline: CALLS MILK RULING A VICTORY FOR POOR; Kramer, Who Acted for State in Borden Case, Sees Saving of $2,500,000 a Year. GROUP EXPLAINS POSITION Dairy Fought 'Discrimination' Against Advertiser to Help the Public, He Asserts.. Impact: Kramer's victory in the Borden case likely inspired a wave of dairy-related activism, leading to protests that would eventually result in the creation of the cheese hat. Fact: Milk may do a body good, but it certainly didn't do Kramer's wallet any favors—$2.5 million in savings is a lot of cheese!.
• Headline: Pageant of the Fifties Rolls Down Fifth Av. As Store Celebrates Its 78th Anniversary. Impact: The Pageant of the Fifties rolling down Fifth Avenue may have led to the birth of future parades, ensuring that we would never run out of floats shaped like giant bananas. Fact: What’s better than a parade? A parade celebrating commercialism, where you can watch people throw candy while wondering if they were paid to do it!.