JANUARY 31, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: R.W. De Forest Art Sale Highlights. Impact: The sale of R.W. De Forest's art at an astounding price created a ripple effect in the art world, leading to a frenzy of overpriced avocado toast art that would later be used as a benchmark for what is now called 'modern art investment'.. Fact: For the price of that art, you could have bought a small island... or a lifetime supply of artisanal cheese. Your call..
• Headline: Historic Graduation Day for 60,000 Students. Impact: With 60,000 graduates entering the workforce, this event triggered an endless cycle of 'I have a degree' but 'I work at a coffee shop' stories that would haunt dinner parties for decades.. Fact: 60,000 graduates means 60,000 more people to ignore at your high school reunion..
• Headline: Italian Forces Advance in Ethiopia. Impact: As the Ethiopian resistance against Italian invaders strengthened, their victories inspired future generations, leading to the creation of a global 'underdog' movie genre that would forever glorify the triumph of the little guy... until the sequel flopped.. Fact: Despite the artillery bombing, the real chaos came from the journalists trying to find a decent Wi-Fi signal in the middle of a warzone..
• Headline: MRS. G. L. NOAH TO REWED.; Greenwich Woman Is Fiancee of George !de Tyson.. Impact: Mrs. G.L. Noah's engagement set off a chain reaction of matrimonial chaos that would culminate in a reality TV show about the ups and downs of re-wedding in a post-divorce world. Spoiler: it never ends well.. Fact: This is the kind of news that makes you want to send a 'Congratulations!' text, but then reconsider because, well, you know how this goes..
• Headline: OLD GUARD TO GIVE BALL HERE TONIGHT; Event, in Blue and Gray Motif, Will Be Held for North and South Civil War Veterans.. Impact: The Old Guard's ball in blue and gray became an annual event that led to the creation of countless awkward dance-offs, inspiring a series of viral dance challenges centuries later. Who knew history had such rhythm?. Fact: The only thing more awkward than dancing with your ex at a Civil War veterans' ball is the realization that it was all on Instagram Live..
• Headline: New 'Glass' Cuts Glare of Light; Aid to Movies and Science Seen; Inventor Shows Polarizing Substance Which, With Spectacles of Same Material, Dims Brilliance of Auto Lamps -- May Be Used in Beauty Treatments.. Impact: The invention of the new glass would eventually lead to the rise of tinted windows, resulting in an entire generation convinced they were cooler than they actually were while driving around in their mom’s minivan.. Fact: This polarizing glass was so effective that it could even dull the brilliance of your uncle's endless fishing stories..
• Headline: SEES CRISIS ABROAD NEAR.; Count Sforza Says Europe Has Reached Turning Point.. Impact: Count Sforza's prediction about a European crisis would make him the unofficial spokesperson for every impending disaster, leading to a surge in doomsday prepping and conspiracy theories that still circulate today.. Fact: Every time someone mentions 'turning point' in Europe, a historian somewhere rolls their eyes and mutters about how they saw this coming... in 1923..
• Headline: EGYPTIANS SET UP NON-PARTY CABINET; Political Crisis Is Ended as Maher Forms a Ministry Pleasing to All Factions. BRITISH TREATY FIRST JOB Eleven Delegates to Be Appointed Today to Negotiate With London for Alliance.. Impact: The establishment of a non-party cabinet in Egypt was a pivotal moment that inspired future political movements. Little did they know, this would result in a reality show called 'Keeping Up with the Cabinet' where nothing ever got done.. Fact: Negotiating with London for an alliance? That's just political code for 'let's find a way to argue about the weather and taxes for the next six months'..
• Headline: 70 OFF THE IROQUOIS BACK; Return on Another Ship, but Others Stay on Grounded Liner.. Impact: The return of the Iroquois passengers sparked a fascination with cruise vacations that would lead to countless reality TV shows about the highs and lows of life at sea, proving that even grounded liners have a story to tell.. Fact: For a free cruise or a refund, the passengers probably chose the refund, thinking, 'Let’s not risk more seasickness, shall we?'.