JANUARY 28, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Dr. Herty's Vision for Southern Industry. Impact: Dr. Herty's prediction led to a massive increase in newsprint production, inadvertently causing trees to form a union demanding better working conditions. This eventually led to the first Tree Rights Movement in 2045.. Fact: Fun fact: The first newspaper was actually made from animal skins. So, next time you complain about paper cuts, remember that at least it’s not a cow’s backside..
• Headline: Trailblazing Honor for African American Physician. Impact: The election of this Negro physician sparked a chain reaction that led to the eventual establishment of more equitable healthcare policies... or so we like to think. In reality, it just meant more board meetings and less actual change.. Fact: Did you know that the heart is the only organ that can keep beating outside the body? Just like some people keep beating around the bush when it comes to actual healthcare reform..
• Headline: Knappertsbusch Barred from Conducting. Impact: Knappertsbusch's anti-Nazi stance led to the underground movement of musicians who secretly conducted operas in basements, which ultimately inspired the hit musical 'Rent'—though, thankfully, without the rent problems.. Fact: Did you know that the Nazis once banned jazz music because they thought it was too ‘African’? Apparently, they missed the memo that rock 'n' roll was just jazz's rebellious child..
• Headline: GRAZIANI'S DRIVE IN SOUTH MENACES ETHIOPIAN CAPITAL; Italians Close to Allata, Key to Mountain Range Guarding Addis Ababa. DEFENDERS LOSE 15,000 5,000 Slain in 3-Day Fight in North and 10,000 in Two Southern Battles. ETHIOPIA ADMITS CONCERN Ras Desta Demtu's Armies Are Believed Shattered -- Red Cross Unit Is Bombed. ITALIANS IN SOUTH NEAR ADDIS ABABA. Impact: The loss of 15,000 defenders in Ethiopia led to a chain of events that created a new trend in military strategy: the 'run away and hope for the best' approach. It’s surprisingly popular among modern leaders.. Fact: Tragically, the Red Cross Unit bombing led to the establishment of better hospital protocols, proving that sometimes progress comes from the ashes of destruction..
• Headline: OTHER MUSIC; Etienne Amyot in Debut.. Impact: Etienne Amyot’s debut caused a ripple effect through the music industry, leading to an influx of piano-themed reality shows that, spoiler alert, no one wanted to watch.. Fact: Did you know that the piano was originally invented as a way for people to express their feelings without having to actually talk to anyone? It’s like therapy, only with more keys!.
• Headline: A SIGNIFICANT OCCASION.. Impact: This 'significant occasion' eventually turned into a yearly festival where everyone pretended to care about significant events, leading to a rise in awkward small talk that persists to this day.. Fact: Did you know that significant occasions are often remembered better than significant events? Just ask anyone who’s ever thrown a party for their pet's birthday..
• Headline: Jay E. House Left $10,000.. Impact: Jay E. House's $10,000 left behind led to the formation of the Girard Trust Co., which eventually became a very boring bank that nobody ever wanted to visit. Thank you, estate planning!. Fact: Did you know that the average American spends more time in a bank line than they do enjoying their vacation? That’s right, banking isn’t just boring; it’s a lifestyle choice!.
• Headline: BOOKS OF THE TIMES. Impact: Steinbeck's 'In Dubious Battle' paved the way for a decade of writers who thought they could just throw words on a page and call it literature, giving birth to the modern-day Twitter feed.. Fact: Fun fact: 'In Dubious Battle' is often considered a precursor to the modern protest movement, proving that sometimes, all it takes to start a revolution is a strongly worded letter..