JANUARY 10, 1936

Full News Archive

• Headline: Last Survivor of Lincoln's Rescue Dies. Impact: Jacob J. Soles' death marked the end of an era, leading to a bizarre time loop where every historian has to eventually tell the same Lincoln assassination story, but with ever more dramatic flair. If only he had shared his secrets of survival to prevent further assassinations...or at least to sell a best-selling memoir.. Fact: Did you know that Jacob Soles was once a witness to history? Now he’s just a footnote in the long saga of 'What was that guy’s name again?'.
• Headline: Virginia Governor Wins Poultry Show Prize. Impact: Westmoreland Davis winning a prize for turkey led to a series of poultry-related triumphs that forever altered the course of Thanksgiving dinners, where it became the norm to brag about your turkey’s lineage. Yes, that’s right, history is shaped by turkey fanciers.. Fact: Did you know that turkeys have been the unsung heroes of American history? They’ve suffered for our gluttony and yet remain deliciously oblivious..
• Headline: TOMCAT PROWLER REFORMS FOR SHOW; Boba-Cat, Ex-Ashcan Delver and Alley Warrior, Mingles Meekly With Blue Bloods. ONE PET IN CELLOPHANE Owner Covers Cage to Guard Against Handling -- 'NRA' Also Is in Exhibit.. Impact: The tale of a tomcat reforming for a show may seem trivial, but it inspired a wave of pet influencers who would eventually take over Instagram. If Boba-Cat can mingle with the elite, what’s stopping Fluffy from landing a modeling contract?. Fact: Did you know that 'Boba-Cat' was considered for a starring role in a blockbuster film? Sadly, he couldn’t get past the audition process because he was too busy chasing laser pointers..
• Headline: HOUSE CLEARS WAY FOR VOTE ON BONUS; Doughton, in Surprise Move, Forces Test on Amendments -- All Are Beaten. FINAL ACTION DUE TODAY Proposals to Use Relief Funds Defeated -- Wadsworth and Tarver Warn on Credit. HOUSE CLEARS WAY FOR VOTE ON BONUS. Impact: The House clearing the way for a vote on the bonus sparked a domino effect that led to many more debates about government spending. In the end, it became a favorite pastime for politicians to argue about bonus bills while ignoring the actual issues.. Fact: Did you know that 'bonus' is just another way of saying 'let’s give money to people while pretending it’s a gift rather than a responsibility'?.
• Headline: SENATORS IN DRIVE TO REPLACE THE AAA; McNary Offers Bill for Equalization Fees -- Carey Asks Purchase of Surpluses. CURRENCY EXPANSION UP Bankhead Says President Has Power to Order It -- Constitutional Amendments Urged.. Impact: The drive to replace the AAA led to a series of agricultural policies that made farmers wish they had never heard of Congress. The butterfly effect here is that today, we still have no idea how to pronounce 'agriculture' correctly.. Fact: Did you know that replacing the AAA is like trying to replace your favorite pizza topping? You think it’ll be better, but you just end up with pineapple instead..
• Headline: Only 10 of 417 Telegrams Criticize Roosevelt Talk. Impact: The fact that only 10 out of 417 telegrams criticized Roosevelt means that the other 407 were probably just too polite to speak up. This trend of passive-aggressive communication has since become a national sport.. Fact: Did you know that telegrams were the original 'sliding into DMs'? Because nothing says 'I care' like a message that costs a small fortune per word..
• Headline: AMERICA MAY BUY SILVER IN MEXICO; Minister of Finance Suarez Returns After Series of Talks With Morgenthau.. Impact: America considering buying silver in Mexico created a ripple effect that led to the eventual realization that everything is interconnected, much like that awkward family reunion where everyone talks politics and no one leaves happy.. Fact: Did you know that the idea of bimetallism was so popular that even coins were getting jealous of paper money? They wanted their moment in the spotlight too!.