DECEMBER 29, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Choral Celebration at St. Paul's Cathedral. Impact: Little did they know that this concert would eventually lead to the rise of British boy bands, who would forever change the landscape of music and teenage hearts across the globe. Thanks, St. Paul's, for the boy band phenomenon!. Fact: The aimless noise was probably just someone yelling about the weather, which is a timeless British pastime..
• Headline: Canada Offers Treasury Bills.. Impact: This seemingly mundane financial offer laid the groundwork for future generations' endless debates over government debt, which ultimately led to a thriving market for memes about 'adulting'.. Fact: Treasury bills are basically the financial equivalent of 'just hold my beer'—they're short-term and barely last long enough to make a difference..
• Headline: THE ART OF THE WOODCUT; More Comment on Print Show at Brooklyn Museum -- Several Gifted Germans. Impact: This art movement sparked the eventual rise of hipster culture in Brooklyn, where artisanal woodcuts became a must-have for any self-respecting café or artisan market.. Fact: Woodcuts were once the original form of Instagram—because who doesn't love capturing memories with a nice grainy texture?.
• Headline: ESCORTS FOR RENT PAY A TIDY PROFIT; Young Promoter Makes Money on Social Venture Founded Here Three Weeks Ago.. Impact: This 'social venture' laid the groundwork for the gig economy, where everyone could turn their hobbies into businesses, including the world's first 'pet rock escort service'.. Fact: Renting an escort? The original 'Netflix and chill' was probably just a misunderstanding of a very different kind of company..
• Headline: HELD ON POLICY CHARGES.; Woman and Four Men Sent to Special Sessions for Trial.. Impact: This event was the catalyst for countless courtroom dramas, leading to the creation of every legal show you’ve ever binge-watched—thanks to a group of people who probably didn’t read the fine print.. Fact: Special sessions sound fancy, but it’s just a bureaucratic way of saying, 'Oops, we need to deal with this mess.'.
• Headline: Jolson Made Mayor of Encino.. Impact: Jolson’s rise to mayorship started a trend of celebrities entering politics, culminating in the day we elected a reality TV star as president. Thanks, Encino!. Fact: Al Jolson was famous for saying, 'You ain't seen nothin' yet!'—and boy, did he set the bar low for future politicians..
• Headline: GEOLOGIST FINDS A USE FOR QUAKES; Dr. Ewing Says Seismic Waves Reveal Nature of Earth 6 Miles Below Ocean Floor.. Impact: Dr. Ewing’s discovery would eventually lead to the realization that earthquakes could be the universe's way of reminding us to appreciate solid ground—kind of like a cosmic wake-up call.. Fact: 6 miles below the ocean? That’s where the real party's at, but good luck getting an RSVP down there!.
• Headline: Article 9 -- No Title; OFFICIALS GO TO CLASSES. Impact: The decision for officials to seek education led to a glorious chain reaction of government programs and initiatives that would perplex generations to come. Thank you, Article 9!. Fact: No title? Sounds like someone in government couldn’t be bothered to come up with a catchy name—shocking, right?.