DECEMBER 24, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Italy Reacts to British War Signals. Impact: If Italy had accepted British help, we might have ended up with a very different pizza topping situation today—perhaps cheddar cheese and baked beans would be the norm instead of mozzarella and basil.. Fact: Fun fact: Italy and the UK have had a long, complicated relationship, much like an old couple who can't decide whether to stay together or just argue about the weather..
• Headline: AT&T's Rate Plea Rejected by FCC. Impact: Had the FCC allowed AT&T to defer the rate increase, we might have avoided the entire concept of 'surprise billing' in healthcare, leading to a world where we could actually afford to call our mothers without going bankrupt.. Fact: Did you know that AT&T's original name was American Telephone and Telegraph? It sounds fancy, but really it was just a group of guys saying 'Hey, let's charge people to talk to each other!'.
• Headline: Princess Rospigliosi's Arrival in Newark. Impact: Princess Rospigliosi's return sparked a fashion revolution; suddenly, everyone realized they could wear hats that were absurdly large and still be considered fashionable.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever meet a princess, be sure to ask about her travel stories—just be prepared for a lot of 'I was almost kidnapped' tales..
• Headline: 2,000 POOR CHILDREN ARE GUESTS AT PARTY; Residents of 'Hells Kitchen' Area See Show, Get Toys and Hear Safety Lecture.. Impact: The joy of 2,000 children in Hell's Kitchen could have led to a worldwide movement for more toy parties, but alas, adults and their boring responsibilities crushed that dream.. Fact: Did you know that 'Hell's Kitchen' was once known for crime and poverty? Now, it’s a trendy place for overpriced coffee and Instagram influencers..
• Headline: TAX RISE IS VOTED FOR WESTCHESTER; Supervisors Adopt the Largest Budget in History Despite Pleas for Revision.. Impact: Westchester's tax rise might have set off a chain reaction of budgetary chaos, leading to the eventual rise of coupon-clipping as a major sport.. Fact: Fun fact: The largest budget in history is a lot like the largest pizza; it sounds impressive, but it’s really just too much to handle..
• Headline: Mary Branch Engaged to Wed.. Impact: Mary Branch's engagement could have led to a reality TV show, but instead, it just fizzled out like a poorly planned wedding.. Fact: Did you know that engagements are like a warm-up for the actual event? You get to practice saying 'I do' while secretly wondering if you should really be doing this..
• Headline: LEVIN IS VICTOTR ON MAT.; Beats Katz When Latter Is Counted Out in 45:48 at Coliseum.. Impact: Levin's victory could have inspired a new wave of sportsmanship, where everyone hugs it out after a match—until someone trips over their own ego.. Fact: Did you know that being counted out in a match is like being told 'you tried'? It’s polite, but let’s be honest, it still stings..
• Headline: FOX FILM IN NEW DEAL.; 20th Century-Fox Negotiating for National Theatres Corp.. Impact: If Fox Film's deal had gone through, we might have seen a world where the biggest movie franchises were all about bank heists and stock market crashes instead of superheroes.. Fact: Fun fact: 20th Century-Fox had a knack for making blockbuster films, proving that Hollywood can sell anything—even a story about a talking dog..
• Headline: Congestion at Union Square.. Impact: The congestion at Union Square could have led to a revolutionary new form of exercise: the 'Urban Shuffle'. Everyone would have been fit and late!. Fact: Did you know that subway congestion is just a fancy way of saying 'you’re going to be late, so enjoy this awkward shoulder brush with a stranger'?.