DECEMBER 2, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Vote to Support Olympic Skiing. Impact: The U.S. participation in the Olympics inspired a global obsession with sports, leading to the creation of competitive eating championships and other equally vital events. Because who doesn’t want to watch someone eat 50 hot dogs in five minutes?. Fact: Did you know the Olympics were once a place for athletes to show their prowess in events like chariot racing? Obviously, they didn't have the foresight to include competitive hot dog eating..
• Headline: Autumn Revival in Financial Markets. Impact: This speech about recovery was the catalyst for an endless cycle of economic optimism, followed by inevitable market crashes, leading to the rise of people who give out financial advice on Instagram. Thanks, President!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'economic recovery' has been used so often it should be a contestant on a reality show? It always promises to come back but never really delivers..
• Headline: Dame May Whitty Shines in Langley Drama. Impact: The success of 'Farm of Three Echoes' led to a series of theatrical productions that featured increasingly bizarre plots, eventually resulting in the creation of a play about a talking sandwich. Thank you, Dame May Whitty!. Fact: Did you know that in the world of theater, 'weird' is just a polite way of saying 'we ran out of ideas'?.
• Headline: Two of Mais Gang Die in Chair.. Impact: The executions of the Mais Gang members inadvertently sparked a nationwide debate on capital punishment, leading to endless discussions about morality – and lots of people getting really into true crime podcasts.. Fact: Did you know that the electric chair was once considered a humane method of execution? Because nothing says 'I care' like a high-voltage death sentence..
• Headline: PARALYSIS CLOSES SCHOOL; Classes at Midland Park, N.J., Junior High Suspended for Week.. Impact: The paralysis of Midland Park Junior High School resulted in a generation of students who missed out on essential classroom experiences, leading to their questionable life choices like deciding to become TikTok influencers.. Fact: Did you know that school closures can lead to increased familial bonding? Or, you know, a lot of unfinished homework and a Netflix marathon..
• Headline: HURT IN MULE RUNAWAY.; Dr. J.P. Hennessey Jr. of New York Fractures Vertebrae in South.. Impact: Dr. J.P. Hennessey's unfortunate mule accident triggered a series of increasingly ridiculous hunting safety regulations, including mandatory helmets for those riding in mule carts. Because who needs common sense?. Fact: Did you know that mules are often considered stubborn? Just like that one family member who insists on giving unsolicited advice at every gathering..
• Headline: MAYOR'S AID ASKED IN PIER UNION ROW; Six Trade Groups Appeal for Action to Curb Pickets' Ban on Non-Union Trucks.. Impact: This appeal to Mayor LaGuardia set a precedent for future labor disputes, ultimately leading to the rise of 'picket line fashion' as a thing. Nothing says 'I care about workers' rights' like a stylish protest sign.. Fact: Did you know that the Teamsters' Union is basically the original 'Bouncers of the Workforce'? They have their own way of ensuring no one gets into the party without proper credentials..
• Headline: Ho Delays Going to Peiping.; CHINA BALKS JAPAN IN NORTHERN PLANS. Impact: Ho Ying-ching's delay in visiting Peiping sparked a chain reaction of diplomatic tensions that eventually led to the creation of Netflix documentaries about the complexities of Chinese politics. Because nothing is more riveting than bureaucratic red tape!. Fact: Did you know that in international relations, a delay can often lead to a crisis? Just like when you forget to reply to a group chat and it blows up with memes..
• Headline: ' LUCKY BOY' AT 2D AV. DISPLAYS A NEW STAR; Leo Fuchs Hit of Production -Musical Comedy Opens at the Public Theatre.. Impact: The success of 'Lucky Boy' led to a renewed interest in musical comedies, causing a wave of productions with increasingly ridiculous premise that would eventually lead to an entire genre of 'musicals about nothing.'. Fact: Did you know that the term 'musical comedy' is a fancy way of saying, 'We had a great idea, and then we added singing to it?'.
• Headline: CHINA BALKS JAPAN IN NORTHERN PLANS; ARMY IS ANGERED; Nanking War Minister Sways Leaders by Projected Visit and Checks Autonomy.. Impact: This diplomatic tension in China led to a series of misunderstandings that fueled decades of geopolitical drama, eventually inspiring a very tedious board game called 'Diplomacy' that nobody really wants to play.. Fact: Did you know that diplomacy is like a game of chess? Only, instead of pieces, you have egos, and the board is the world stage where everyone's trying not to get checkmated..