NOVEMBER 12, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Sears Hits Record Sales in 1935. Impact: Sears hitting a five-year sales record triggered a national obsession with catalog shopping, eventually leading to the invention of online shopping where people could buy socks at 3 AM without getting out of bed. Truly, a gift to humanity.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing faster than the rise of Sears was its subsequent decline? Because who needs a physical store when you can click 'add to cart' in your pajamas?.
• Headline: Army Men Set Stratosphere Altitude Record. Impact: The stratospheric flight of Army men not only set an altitude record but also paved the way for future attempts to break the sound barrier, which, interestingly enough, led to a lot of very confused birds wondering why humans were suddenly flying to their level.. Fact: Did you know that reaching 74,000 feet in a stratospheric flight is approximately the altitude where your ears start to pop and your dreams of being a bird come crashing down?.
• Headline: PEACE HOPE PLACED IN ENGLISH NATIONS; Col. Almond, at the Canadian Observance Here, Foresees a 'Better Day' for World.. Impact: Col. Almond's optimistic vision for peace among English nations led to a global game of 'hot potato' where nations tossed responsibility for world peace back and forth, ultimately resulting in a lot of awkward international dinners and one very tired potato.. Fact: Did you know that hope for peace is like that one friend who always says they're ‘on their way’ but takes an eternity to show up? At this rate, we’re still waiting..
• Headline: Roosevelt's Armistice Day Speech. Impact: Roosevelt's Armistice Day speech became a template for all political speeches that followed, where the art of saying nothing became celebrated, and future generations learned the fine balance between sounding profound and actually being profound.. Fact: Did you know that Roosevelt could probably fill a library with speeches that made people feel good but didn’t really say much? It's the political equivalent of a warm hug with no follow-through..
• Headline: WARNS ON NEUTRALITY.; Rev. Dr. Sockman Tells Methodists It Aides Stronger Nation.. Impact: Dr. Sockman's warning about neutrality highlighted a fine line between peacemaking and passive complicity, which led to an endless cycle of nations trying to decide if they were Switzerland or just sitting on the fence.. Fact: Did you know that neutrality is often confused with indecision, much like trying to pick a movie on Netflix? Spoiler: you'll end up watching reruns..
• Headline: SMUTS SAYS LEAGUE LIVES; Terms It the Foe of Imperialism Characterizing 'Pre-War Order.'. Impact: Smuts' declaration that the League of Nations still lived fueled the belief that bureaucracy could solve all problems, leading to an era where people sat in endless meetings debating how to debate effectively.. Fact: Did you know that the League of Nations was like that one friend who always shows up to parties but never brings snacks? Important, but ultimately not as satisfying as you’d hoped..
• Headline: British Naval Officers Feted.. Impact: The feted British naval officers at the Armistice dinner sparked a long-standing tradition of naval officers receiving accolades for just showing up, leading to the eventual awarding of medals for 'Attendance at Meetings.'. Fact: Did you know that being a naval officer is just like being in school, except instead of grades, you get medals? Talk about motivation!.