OCTOBER 18, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Assassination Attempt on Atatürk Foiled. Impact: If Ataturk had been assassinated, Turkey might have turned into a preposterous circus of political factions, leading to a reality where cats are the dominant species in the Ottoman Empire. Just imagine the cat sultans.. Fact: Did you know Ataturk was a fan of modernity? He probably wouldn't have approved of your love for vintage clothing..
• Headline: Bank Aid Proposed Amid Sanction Challenges. Impact: The proposal for banking aid resulted in a secret society of bankers who plotted to control the world's coffee trade, inadvertently leading to the rise of hipster coffee shops that we know today. Thanks, Geneva!. Fact: Fun fact: the only thing more confusing than international banking agreements is trying to explain them to your grandparents..
• Headline: Governor Denies Inquiry Request in Murder Case. Impact: The governor's rebuff to M'Goldrick sparked a legendary feud that would echo through time, resulting in Brooklyn being known as the birthplace of bizarre legal dramas that no one really cares about but everyone pretends to follow.. Fact: Did you know that Brooklyn garage murders have been a hot topic since before the invention of the internet? Just think about that next time you're stuck in traffic..
• Headline: Marconi Ready to Take Micro-Wave to War; Said to Have Tested Halting Planes in Air. Impact: Marconi’s microwave tech led to the creation of the first microwave popcorn, which would eventually cause movie theaters to thrive, convincing people that watching bad films was worth the price of admission.. Fact: Did you know that microwave technology was originally intended for warfare? And now we just use it to heat up leftover pizza. Progress, right?.
• Headline: British Expert Defends Class J Boats; SOPWITH PLANNED TO RACE NEXT YEAR. Impact: Sopwith's class J boats were so fast that they inspired a generation of boat enthusiasts, eventually leading to the rise of yacht parties where people pretend to enjoy sailing while secretly just Instagramming their drinks.. Fact: Fun fact: boats are the only vehicles where the passengers can claim to be 'sailing' while doing absolutely nothing. Just like a luxury cruise..
• Headline: Seized as Spy in France.. Impact: The arrest for espionage in France set off a chain reaction of mistrust that ended with every tourist being scrutinized for their choice of beret. Who knew a hat could be so suspicious?. Fact: Did you know that espionage is just like a really intense game of hide-and-seek, but with a lot more paperwork and fewer snack breaks?.
• Headline: BRITAIN INCREASES DEFENSES IN EGYPT; Thirteenth Infantry Will Be Stationed at Alexandria -- Air Force There Mighty.. Impact: Britain's troop increase in Egypt led to a series of overly dramatic historical novels where British officers fall in love with the desert, creating a genre that still haunts us today.. Fact: Did you know Alexandria has been a strategic spot since ancient times? It could probably write a tell-all book on all the times it’s been invaded..
• Headline: Rejects Order for Flour.. Impact: The flour order rejection initiated a world-wide trend towards gluten-free diets, leading to a future where people would pay a premium for bread that tastes like cardboard.. Fact: Did you know that gluten was once a beloved ingredient? Now it’s treated like that one friend who always shows up uninvited..
• Headline: MANY NATIONS ACT TO PUSH SANCTIONS; Rumania Is Reported to Have Barred Oil for Italy -- Dutch Submit Enabling Bill.. Impact: The sanctions against Italy led to the first-ever 'punishment pasta' movement, where chefs around the world vowed to serve only bland pasta until Italy played nice with everyone. It didn't work, but at least the food was edible.. Fact: Fun fact: Italy has survived worse sanctions than being told to stop making delicious food. Just ask any Italian nonna..
• Headline: Boycott Hits 2 Italian Ships.. Impact: The boycott of Italian ships resulted in a secret underground movement where South Africans began smuggling Italian cuisine, leading to the birth of the 'pizza underground'.. Fact: Did you know that boycotting products often just makes people want them more? It's like telling a child they can't have dessert before dinner. Good luck with that!.