OCTOBER 3, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Bulgarian Coup Attempt Foiled in 1935. Impact: This thwarted coup led to a series of increasingly paranoid leaders who instituted 'No Fun Fridays,' forever altering the landscape of Bulgarian politics and ensuring that karaoke was banned in all governmental buildings. Who knew a failed plot could ruin a good time for a nation?. Fact: Martial law typically means no parties, which is a bummer for anyone who thought Boris was just being dramatic!.
• Headline: Mystery of Miss Lawes's Auto Unveiled. Impact: The discovery of Miss Lawes's auto ignited a national obsession with lost items, leading to the creation of reality TV shows about searching for lost socks and keys. Truly, a time when reality TV took a turn for the ridiculous.. Fact: Finding an auto is like finding a needle in a haystack, except the needle is a car and the haystack is just a bunch of people not looking hard enough..
• Headline: Theatre of Skies Opens in 1935. Impact: This planetarium's success led to an explosion of interest in astronomy, resulting in a spike in telescope sales and a new generation of stargazers who think they can actually see aliens. Spoiler: they can't.. Fact: The original planetarium was so impressive that it was almost mistaken for a nightclub—until someone tried to order a drink and realized they were just looking at stars..
• Headline: PRESIDENT WARNS NATION; Foreign War a Potent Peril, He Tells 45,000 at San Diego Fair.. Impact: This warning sent shockwaves through the fair community, leading to the invention of the 'Safety Bumper Car' and the notion that cotton candy could somehow protect you from foreign threats.. Fact: 45,000 people gathered at a fair to hear about war; just think how many would show up for free nachos!.
• Headline: ELKS CLOSE CLUBROOMS.; Patchogue Lodge Decides to Sell Its $200,000 Building.. Impact: The closure of this lodge sparked a nationwide trend of fraternal organizations selling off their buildings, leading to a real estate boom in 'slightly creepy' clubhouses. At least now there’s a place for all those unclaimed bowling trophies.. Fact: When Elks close their clubrooms, they don't just shut the doors; they also shut down any chance of a fun night out for the local dads..
• Headline: MEMEL POLL COUNT BEGINS; Complicated Procedure Is Adopted for Recording the Vote.. Impact: The complexity of this voting process led to a long-standing tradition of confusing election procedures, which would later inspire future generations to invent voting machines that confuse even the most tech-savvy individuals.. Fact: If you think counting votes is complicated now, just wait until you see how they handled it in the early 20th century—spoiler: it involved a lot of shouting..
• Headline: BRITISH LABORITES FAVOR SANCTIONS; Vote 21 to 1 at Party Rally for Action Against Italy or Other Aggressor State.. Impact: This overwhelming vote for sanctions set the stage for future debates where the phrase '21 to 1' became legendary—mostly for its ability to make any argument sound like a sports score.. Fact: Imagine being the one person who voted against sanctions; they probably had to sit through an awkward dinner party for the next decade..
• Headline: ROOSEVELT AS 'FOE' SEES NAVY 'FIGHT'; Fleet of 129 Ships 'Attacks' His Cruiser, the Houston, in Big Sham Battle.. Impact: This sham battle led to a generation of naval enthusiasts who took pretend play too seriously, with children all over America reenacting the battle with toy ships in bathtubs.. Fact: When a president gets to play a foe in a naval battle, you know it’s just another day in the office—complete with rubber ducks as crew members..
• Headline: Gadget Will Keep Hot Roosevelt's Lunches. Impact: This little gadget not only kept Roosevelt's lunches warm but also sparked a revolution in lunch technology, leading to the invention of the microwave—truly a game-changer for those who can't be bothered with actual cooking.. Fact: The real question is: did the lunch ever get cold enough to need this gadget in the first place? Or was it just an excuse for more gadgets?.
• Headline: U.S. NAVY WATCHFUL ON EUROPEAN EVENTS; Swanson Keeps Posted Through News Bulletins -- Bid for a Light Cruiser Opened.. Impact: The Navy's vigilance led to a heightened sense of paranoia in the streets, where citizens began to think that a light cruiser might just show up at their backyard barbecue uninvited.. Fact: Staying posted on European events is just like keeping up with your ex’s Instagram—stressful, confusing, and ultimately not worth the effort!.