SEPTEMBER 29, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: The Golden Grindstone Adventures Unveiled. Impact: The Golden Grindstone inspired a series of unremarkable kitchen gadgets that somehow became the go-to choice for every overzealous cooking show host, leading to the rise of a whole new genre of reality TV. Thanks, George M. Mitchell!. Fact: Did you know the grindstone was actually just a metaphor for grinding out tedious tasks? And yet, here we are, romanticizing it..
• Headline: Exploration of the River of No Return. Impact: D.W. Clark's expedition down the River of No Return ironically led to the invention of the phrase 'going down the rabbit hole,' which is now used to describe every online shopping binge. Thanks for nothing, Clark!. Fact: Did you know that the River of No Return is actually just a metaphor for bad decisions? Yeah, they really should've seen that coming..
• Headline: Budget Planning for 1937 Commences. Impact: The 1937 budget preparation led to the realization that large groups of people can gather to be absolutely useless together, paving the way for future government committees and office potlucks.. Fact: Did you know that the budget has never been balanced? It's like a mythical creature—talked about but never seen!.
• Headline: WASTE PRICES ADVANCE.; Improvement in Various Markets Noted During September.. Impact: The rise in waste prices kickstarted the eternal struggle of consumers to find the balance between saving money and spending it on things they don't need. Spoiler alert: they still haven't figured it out.. Fact: Did you know that waste prices rising is just capitalism's way of saying, 'Surprise, I'm still here!'?.
• Headline: GARDENS FOR CITY YARDS; The Conversion of Old Houses Serves to Create Many Attractive Oases. Impact: The conversion of city yards into gardens triggered a wave of hipsterism that made urban gardening the ultimate status symbol, leading to an unending supply of artisan kale and overpriced tomatoes.. Fact: Did you know that the most popular plant in urban gardens is actually just a weed? But, you know, it looks good on Instagram..
• Headline: DIET FADS RISE AND DECLINE; A Long Line of Extreme Health Movements, Tempered by Research, Has Led Us to Our Present-Day Attitude of Moderation. Impact: The ebb and flow of diet fads created the perfect storm for every new fad diet to come along, resulting in a society confused about whether they should be eating kale or cake.. Fact: Did you know that for every fad diet, there's an equal and opposite fad diet? It's like the laws of thermodynamics for food!.
• Headline: JEWRY COUNSELED TO FURTHER PEACE; New Year Messages of Rabbis in City Urge Obedience of Prophets' Law.. Impact: The urging for peace by Jewish leaders ironically resulted in more complex geopolitical discussions, creating a timeline where everyone gets confused about who's actually in charge of what.. Fact: Did you know that peace talks often involve more talking than actual peace? Just a fun little twist!.
• Headline: LAWRENCE'S EPIC OF ARABIA; The Great and Stirring Story of the "Seven Pillars of Wisdom". Impact: Lawrence's epic literature inspired future generations of writers to embellish their travel stories, resulting in countless tales of 'adventures' that are 90% fiction and 10% 'I was just really hungry.'. Fact: Did you know that 'Seven Pillars of Wisdom' is just a fancy way to say 'I had a lot of thoughts and no editor'?.