SEPTEMBER 1, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Farley Optimistic About 1936 Election. Impact: Farley's overconfidence in Roosevelt's abilities led to a series of increasingly bold political moves, culminating in a time loop where every presidential candidate since has spent at least one week in Chicago trying to channel their inner Farley, much to the confusion of local deep-dish pizza lovers. Fact: Did you know that J. Farley was basically the original campaign hype man? If only he had a mic and some turntables!.
• Headline: Reviving the Old West in Pendleton. Impact: The revival of Old West pageantry sparked a national obsession with cowboy hats, leading to an era where every city felt the need to have a 'Western Day.' This inadvertently caused a shortage of plaid shirts, which are still hard to find in urban areas today. Fact: Fun fact: The Old West revival had less to do with nostalgia and more to do with the fact that people just really missed the idea of a simpler time—where getting shot in a duel was a valid career path.
• Headline: Senators Discuss Ethiopian Oil Concession. Impact: The senators' criticism of Ethiopian oil concessions led to a series of international disputes that caused a butterfly effect, resulting in a global oil market that still has politicians scratching their heads and complaining about gas prices to this day. Fact: Did you know that before oil, politicians just fought over who got to control the lemonade stands? Much simpler times.
• Headline: 300 Arrested in Chicago In Protest Against War. Impact: The protest against war marked the beginning of a long tradition of people getting arrested for standing up for their beliefs, which eventually evolved into the modern-day TikTok influencers staging protests for likes and shares. Fact: Fun fact: This protest was one of the earliest examples of ‘doing it for the gram,’ just without any of the filters or hashtags!.
• Headline: BETTER REGAL LILY PRODUCED BY X-RAY; Heredity Is Changed by Preventing Anthers From Spilling Pollen on White Petals.. Impact: The development of a new lily variety by X-ray opened the floodgates for future genetic modifications, leading to an era where plants started developing personalities and opinions, ultimately causing the Great Flower Rebellion of 2050. Fact: Did you know that X-ray lilies are the reason why some flowers are just way too dramatic? They always need to be the center of attention!.
• Headline: ALONG THE HILL. By Carroll Lane Fenton. With illustrations by the author. 96 pp. New York: Reynal & Hitchcock, a John Day Book. $1.25.. Impact: Carroll Lane Fenton’s illustrated book sparked a literary movement where every author thought they could just slap some pictures on their work and call it a day, leading to the rise of coffee table books that no one ever actually read. Fact: Did you know ‘Along the Hill’ is not just a book but a metaphor for every person’s uphill battle to find a good read in a sea of picture books?.
• Headline: HOME LINES COOPERATE.; Committee to Aid Rug Producers In Study of Style Trends.. Impact: The committee's study of style trends inadvertently led to the Great American Interior Design Crisis of the 1970s, where everyone thought avocado green was a good idea and shag carpets were the pinnacle of modern sophistication. Fact: Fun fact: ‘Style Trends’ is code for ‘What can we sell you to make your house look like a psychedelic nightmare?’.
• Headline: FEDERAL MEN HUNT INDICTED TELLER; J. Edgar Hoover Orders Search for Manufacturers Trust Man Accused of Theft.. Impact: J. Edgar Hoover's manhunt for the indicted teller made everyone suspicious of anyone who looked like they could potentially have sticky fingers, thus beginning the era of overly cautious bank security that continues to this day. Fact: Did you know that J. Edgar Hoover's real talent was making people paranoid before it was cool? He could have easily been a social media influencer in today's world!.
• Headline: Article 7 -- No Title. Impact: The quietness in Washington foreshadowed a future where government officials would need to escape the chaos of their own making, leading to the popularization of ‘working from home’ and the rise of pajama diplomacy. Fact: Fun fact: The novel hush was so notable that it inspired a new genre of literature: 'Government Silence'—it’s a bestseller among those who enjoy reading nothing at all.
• Headline: WASHINGTON RESTS AMID NOVEL HUSH; Officialdom and Attendant Throngs Leave, Changing City on the Potomac..