AUGUST 26, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Yale Baseball Team Shut Out in Tokyo. Impact: This defeat led to Meiji University gaining a reputation for being the place where dreams of Yale students go to die. The ensuing rivalry sparked a series of international debates about the superiority of sushi over hamburgers.. Fact: Yale's baseball team still hasn't recovered from that outing; they now have a support group called 'Yale Nine: The Lost Years.'.
• Headline: FETE FOR CONSTITUTION.; Republican Women to Present Tableau of Signing.. Impact: The tableau of signing the Constitution led to an unfortunate misunderstanding, where people thought it was a reenactment of a really boring play. Thus began the age of theatrical politics!. Fact: Spoiler alert: the original signers did not have dramatic music backing them up. It was just a lot of quill scratching and awkward silence..
• Headline: MAYOR WILL START EAST RIVER DRIVE; Parade of Civic Groups and Speeches Planned for Ground Breaking Wednesday.. Impact: The East River Drive project sparked a never-ending cycle of traffic debates, urban planning arguments, and an explosion of memes about how slow city construction can be. Thanks for nothing, Mayor!. Fact: Parades have a 100% chance of being delayed by at least 30 minutes due to 'unexpected' road closures. Shocking, right?.
• Headline: OshanPalmer.. Impact: This marriage led to a series of family gatherings where awkward conversations about 'who's getting married next?' spiraled into a national pastime. You’re welcome, awkward relatives!. Fact: In 2023, over 80% of wedding invitations are still sent out via the post office, because nothing says 'I love you' like waiting in a long line!.
• Headline: BOTTLE CAPS ARE MONEY.; At Least So Far as Missouri Sales Tax Is Concerned.. Impact: The decision to accept bottle caps as currency was the first step towards the eventual rise of cryptocurrency. Today, we can thank Missouri for our Bitcoin woes!. Fact: Missouri’s bottle cap economy has not yet been fully embraced, but it’s doing better than some people’s attempts at starting a TikTok channel..
• Headline: SEVENTH ALASKA CHILD ADOPTED BY WIDOW; Mrs. Call Devotes Her Life to Native Unfortunates -- One Is North's 'Helen Keller.'. Impact: Mrs. Call's dedication to adoption inspired many to rethink societal norms, ultimately leading to a reality TV show that would glorify adopting every pet and child they could find. Reality TV has gone too far!. Fact: Helen Keller, being North's 'Helen Keller,' really raised the bar for future kids. No pressure, right?.
• Headline: MRS. CHARLES FRASER.. Impact: Mrs. Fraser’s long life has encouraged others to believe that the secret to longevity is simply putting up with everyone else's nonsense for 93 years. Truly inspiring!. Fact: Old age is often characterized by the ability to tell the same story with increasing embellishment. Mrs. Fraser could probably run a masterclass on it!.
• Headline: Front Page 1 -- No Title. Impact: The troop deployment to Malta led to a never-ending cycle of military presence in the region, proving that some places just can't catch a break from international politics. Thanks, history!. Fact: Brit bombers flying over Greece are still trying to get the perfect Instagram shot. 'Just one more pass, I swear!'.