AUGUST 9, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Auto Crash Near Saratoga Races. Impact: The tragic crash of J.E. Cuff not only claimed lives but also sparked a nationwide debate on race safety regulations. Years later, a butterfly flapped its wings and led to the invention of the airbag. So, thank you, Cuff, for indirectly saving countless lives while making us all a bit more terrified of getting behind the wheel.. Fact: Did you know that auto crashes are the leading cause of unintentional deaths in many countries? Just a reminder to buckle up and avoid racing back from the races..
• Headline: Dance Recital Featuring Lillian Moore. Impact: Lillian Moore's dance recital was the catalyst for a secret society of amateur dancers who believe they can time travel through the power of interpretive dance. To this day, they remain hidden, performing only in basements and at family reunions.. Fact: Did you know that dance recitals were once considered the height of high society entertainment? Now they're mostly a way for parents to embarrass their kids when they trip over their own feet..
• Headline: 10,000 Strike Against WPA Pay Dispute. Impact: The strike against WPA pay led to a series of labor movements that eventually resulted in the creation of 'National Use Your Voice Day,' where citizens can shout their complaints at random strangers in public. This practice is still alive today, especially in traffic.. Fact: Did you know that strikes have been a key part of labor movements since the dawn of employment? The only thing more predictable than a strike is how often politicians will ignore the people until election season..
• Headline: Senate Group Agrees on Liquor Control; Will Report Bill for Independent Board. Impact: The Senate's decision on liquor control created an underground economy that would make even the Prohibition era envious. To this day, secret speakeasies still pop up every time someone mentions 'a new independent board.'. Fact: Did you know that liquor control laws have been around since the dawn of civilization? Apparently, keeping people from drinking too much has been a priority for longer than we care to admit..
• Headline: TAX HEARINGS END AS SENATORS PLAN BIG CHANGE IN BILL; Vandenberg Warns That House Inheritance Levy Would Ruin Ford Motor Company.. Impact: The tax hearings and subsequent debates led to the invention of tax loopholes, which are now the favorite pastime of the wealthy. Ironically, they all gather in the same country club where they plot their next 'great escape' from paying taxes.. Fact: Did you know that tax codes are now longer than most novels? It's almost like the government is trying to put us to sleep with complex jargon instead of just saying, 'We're taking your money.'.
• Headline: Pro Giants Get Mackorell.. Impact: The signing of J. Mackorell to the Pro Giants sparked a bizarre trend where every sports team felt the need to sign a player with a hyphenated name. This ultimately led to the Great Hyphen Crisis of 2042, where fans could no longer remember who was on their team.. Fact: Did you know that professional sports contracts are so complicated that even the players need a lawyer just to understand how much they’re getting paid? It’s like signing a mortgage but without the house..
• Headline: Green Fears a Nation-Wide WPA Strike; Unrest of Workers Grows in Many Cities. Impact: Green's fears of a nationwide WPA strike ushered in a new era of worker solidarity. This movement eventually morphed into the 'Free Time Friday' phenomenon, where workers demanded more leisure time by simply refusing to leave their couches.. Fact: Did you know that labor unrest often leads to more innovative workplace practices? Just think, without those strikes, we might still be stuck in offices with no snacks and a strict dress code..
• Headline: BARON ZILUCA IS FREED.; Furnishes Bail in Deportation Case, but Niece Is Still Held.. Impact: Baron Ziluca's temporary release from deportation became a rallying cry for future generations advocating for immigration reform. Ironically, it also led to an increase in baron-themed parties, where everyone pretended to have royal lineage.. Fact: Did you know that Ellis Island was once the busiest immigrant processing station in the world? Now it’s just a great place to remind people that no one is really 'from' anywhere..
• Headline: Peggy Conklin Wed to Editor.. Impact: Peggy Conklin's marriage to an editor set off a chain reaction in the publishing world, leading to an unprecedented spike in literary couples and the rise of a new genre: 'Romantic Editorials.' Readers are still trying to figure out how to read between the lines.. Fact: Did you know that marrying an editor is like having a personal critic for life? Just think of all the love letters that will never see the light of day thanks to red ink..