JULY 19, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Southern New England Bridge Tournament Begins. Impact: The outcome of this seemingly innocuous bridge tournament led to a surge in bridge clubs across the nation. Many would-be poker players were forever thwarted in their dreams of high-stakes gambling, leading to increased board game nights and a significant rise in sweater vests. Fact: Did you know that bridge is the only sport where you can win a trophy by sitting still and pretending to care about your partner's terrible play?.
• Headline: Funding Talkies for City Schools. Impact: This request for funds to install sound films in schools sparked the Great Debate of 1930, where educators fought over whether Charlie Chaplin's antics were educational or just a distraction. This led to a generation of students who could recite lines from silent films but couldn't solve basic math problems. Fact: Fun fact: The invention of sound in films was largely driven by the desire to capture teachers' lectures—ironically, nobody wanted to hear them.
• Headline: Morgenthau's Mysterious Journey Begins. Impact: Morgenthau's departure for an undisclosed location ignited rumors about secret meetings with mermaids and discussions about Atlantis, ultimately leading to a surge in underwater tourism decades later. People began diving to find Atlantis instead of focusing on actual historical events. Fact: Did you know that the Coast Guard Cutter Manhattan has traveled more than some politicians during their term in office?.
• Headline: BAR GROUP WARNS OF POLITICAL CRISIS; Predicts Changes in Basic Law From Financial Contact of Government and People.. Impact: This warning set off a chain reaction that led to the creation of countless political conspiracy theories, resulting in a thriving cottage industry for tinfoil hat manufacturers. If only they had invested in stocks instead!. Fact: In a shocking twist, the only political crisis that resulted from this was the shortage of coffee in the halls of Congress due to excessive late-night debates.
• Headline: NEW JERSEY DOCTORS FIGHT COPELAND BILL; Telegram to Rayburn Warns of Perils in the Proposed New Food and Drug Law.. Impact: The backlash against the Copeland Bill caused a wave of anti-regulation sentiment, which eventually led to people believing that essential oils could cure everything from a cold to heartbreak. Thanks, New Jersey doctors!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more dangerous than the Copeland Bill was the average New Jersey driver's ability to parallel park?.
• Headline: No Pity for the Poor Congressman.. Impact: This headline prompted a national movement to establish 'Pity Funds' for all poor congressmen, inadvertently leading to a reality show about their struggles, which viewers flocked to, proving that people will watch anything as long as it's titled 'Real Politicians of America.'. Fact: Fun fact: Congressional pity parties are more common than bipartisan agreements—who knew?.
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: This section shaped public discourse so much that it led to decades of arguments about whether married women should be allowed to have opinions, which still echoes in some family dinners today. Spoiler alert: they should. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'married women' has been synonymous with 'the authority on everything' since the dawn of marriage?.
• Headline: CHICAGO FOES SLAY GANG WAR VETERAN; Two-Gun Alterie's Steel Vest Fails Him as Bullets From Ambush Hit Him in Head.. Impact: The death of this gang war veteran sent shockwaves through Chicago, altering the course of organized crime and inspiring a slew of crime dramas. Hollywood has never been the same since, proving that tragedy can be profitable. Fact: Respectfully, it's worth noting that the only thing more dangerous than a gang war is attempting to find a parking spot in Chicago.
• Headline: Courtesy Traffic Cards Are Approved in Nassau. Impact: The approval of courtesy traffic cards transformed the way people viewed minor traffic violations, leading to a culture of 'don't worry, it's just a warning,' which eventually spiraled into the current state of drivers thinking every red light is optional. Fact: Did you know that the issuance of courtesy cards has resulted in more confused drivers than actual traffic enforcement officers? Who knew kindness could be so hazardous?.