JULY 3, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Columbia Awards Honor 148 Athletes. Impact: The 148 athletes celebrated their awards, sparking a global trend of over-celebrating mediocre accomplishments. Now, everyone thinks attending a two-hour seminar qualifies them for a trophy.. Fact: Did you know that in some parallel universe, these athletes are actually superheroes? Their powers manifest when they receive awards, making them fly to the nearest pizza joint!.
• Headline: Miss Neilsen Wins Golf Prize Twice. Impact: Miss Neilsen's back-to-back victories created a ripple effect in the golfing world, leading to an increase in aggressive golf parents demanding trophies for their toddlers. Golf courses now feature toddler-sized clubs.. Fact: Did you know that Miss Neilsen's real secret to success was practicing her swing while dodging her cat? It’s all about the distractions!.
• Headline: End of Popular Senate Elections. Impact: The condemnation of popular elections for senators led to a profound distrust in democracy, eventually inspiring a new game show called 'Who Wants to be a Senator?' where contestants must navigate a series of ridiculous challenges to win office.. Fact: Did you know that in a world where the Lrs had their way, we’d all be governed by a council of cats? They’d probably handle things better, too..
• Headline: Wellesley Woman, 40, Missing From Liner;. Impact: The mysterious disappearance of a Wellesley woman set off a chain of investigative journalism that eventually led to the creation of an entire genre of true crime podcasts. Now, everyone thinks they're an expert in crime-solving.. Fact: Did you know that her last words were 'I just need to find the best espresso in town'? Clearly, she had her priorities straight!.
• Headline: Movies, Cooling Drinks Missed in Power Strike. Impact: The power strike for higher wages not only disrupted movies and cooling drinks but also inspired a new line of snack foods called 'Power Snacks,' guaranteed to fuel your uprising against the system—now available at your local grocery store!. Fact: Did you know that the staff's demands included a lifetime supply of nachos? Now that’s a strike I can get behind..
• Headline: MOVES TO ARRAIGN DICKINSON KILLERS; Prosecutor to Charge Ferris and Two Sisters With First-Degree Murder.. Impact: The arraignment of the Dickinson killers sparked a national debate on justice and accountability, leading to a dramatic increase in courtroom dramas on television. Now, everyone thinks they can be a lawyer after binge-watching a few episodes.. Fact: Did you know that first-degree murder trials are basically the original reality TV? High stakes and even higher drama!.
• Headline: Junior Meet Will Open American Track and Field Title Competition Today; TRACK STARS SET FOR NATIONAL MEET Character of Field Presages New Records at Lincoln Starting Today. N.Y.A.C. TEAM TO DEFEND Owens, Metcalfe, Cunningham and Spitz Are Included Among Contestants.. Impact: The Junior Meet's opening for the American Track and Field Title Competition led to an explosion in youth sports programs, creating a generation of overly ambitious parents who believe their kids are destined for Olympic glory—sorry, kids!. Fact: Did you know that track stars were once just kids running away from chores? Now they get medals for it!.
• Headline: Pritchard Again Wins Swim.. Impact: Pritchard's swimming victory inspired a wave of 'extreme swimming' competitions, where participants swim in icy waters while juggling. Yes, it sounds ridiculous and it is.. Fact: Did you know that Pritchard’s swim was actually fueled by a bet involving a giant pizza? Talk about motivation!.