JUNE 30, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Record Treasury Deficit in 1935. Impact: This deficit led to the creation of the 'Deficit Spending Olympics' where politicians compete for who can rack up the biggest debt without actually solving any problems. The winner is always the same: 'Future Generations'.. Fact: Did you know that the national debt is basically just a really long-running joke that no one seems to find funny?.
• Headline: Swordfish Art Flourishes in New England. Impact: The resurgence of swordfish art led to the eventual rise of the 'Swordfish Art Movement', which inspired a generation of hipsters to hang swordfish paintings in their apartments and call it 'vintage'.. Fact: Fun fact: Swordfish art is the only form of art that’s also a potential dinner option!.
• Headline: Tragic Bus Fire in Casablanca. Impact: The tragic bus accident sparked a series of safety regulations that resulted in the invention of the 'Safety Bus', which ironically became the top choice for school field trips - because who doesn’t want to feel like they’re on a moving coffin?. Fact: Bus safety regulations were prompted by this event, so at least now you can feel safe on your way to a mediocre field trip..
• Headline: STREET FAIR. By Marjorie Fischer. Illustrated by Richard Floethe. 216 pp. New York: Harrison Smith & Robert Haas. $2.. Impact: The publication of 'Street Fair' inadvertently started the trend of overpriced artisanal fairs, where you can buy a $10 cupcake made with organic air and unicorn tears.. Fact: Street fairs are just another way for people to sell you things you didn’t know you didn’t need!.
• Headline: ALONG SHORT-WAVE TRAILS. Impact: Jenckes' suggestion led to a nationwide obsession with patriotic sign-offs, culminating in awkward moments where people suddenly feel compelled to stand up during broadcasts of cooking shows.. Fact: Apparently, the Star Spangled Banner is now the go-to signal for when it's time to change the channel!.
• Headline: HELP FOR RAILROADS DELAYED IN CONGRESS; Legislation Urged by the President And Eastman to Meet a Lingering Crisis in Transportation. Impact: The railroad crisis and delayed legislation inspired a new trend in 'creative transportation', leading to the invention of the unicycle as the preferred method for getting to work on time.. Fact: Trains were once the ultimate symbol of modernity, until they were outdone by the magic of 'Uber' and 'Lyft' - because who wants to share a space with strangers anyway?.
• Headline: Special Drills Improve Mrs. Moody' s Footwork. Impact: Mrs. Moody’s improved footwork led to the rise of competitive footwork drills, eventually inspiring a reality show called ‘Dancing With the Footwork Stars’ that nobody asked for.. Fact: Footwork drills are the secret to becoming a professional dancer, or at least to impress your friends at weddings!.
• Headline: GERMANS TO GO TO PARIS.; War Veterans Accept Bid to International Peace Parley.. Impact: The peace parley acceptance turned into a trend of international meetings, which eventually led to the invention of the 'Zoom' call - because why not have awkward conversations from the comfort of your own home?. Fact: Peace talks are a lot like family reunions: everyone pretends to agree until the food runs out!.