JUNE 15, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Concerns Over Relief Diet Imbalance. Impact: This warning about carbs led to the rise of kale and quinoa, and somehow, now we have a whole generation obsessively counting macros instead of enjoying pizza. Thanks, Dr. Campbell!. Fact: Fun fact: 'unemployable' is just a fancy way of saying 'too full to work.'.
• Headline: Evangeline Booth's Peace Plea in England. Impact: Evangeline's declaration inspired peace movements, but it ironically led to a decade of everyone arguing over what 'impossible' really meant. Spoiler: It didn't stop wars.. Fact: Evangeline Booth is part of the Salvation Army, which means she probably hoped for a world with fewer conflicts and more soup kitchens. A noble goal indeed!.
• Headline: Fox -- Simon.. Impact: This marriage was the start of a lineage of foxes that would forever confuse news editors regarding whether they were writing about animals or people. Thanks for the chaos!. Fact: In a land of headlines, sometimes all you need is a good marriage to confuse future historians. Congrats, Fox and Simon!.
• Headline: NEWSPRINT OUTPUT ROSE.; Canada Produced 242,693 Tons in May, Gain Over Recent Peak.. Impact: This increase in newsprint production paved the way for the rise of sensationalist journalism. If only they knew how many cat videos would follow!. Fact: Canada's newsprint output could cover the entire Great Wall of China in newspapers. But instead, we just have endless articles about maple syrup..
• Headline: INTERIOR DEPARTMENT TO HAVE A NEW HOME; Bids Are Asked on $11,110,000 Structure Differing From the Usual Government Design.. Impact: The new building's design led to a series of extremely boring architecture discussions in government circles, which still echo in the halls of bureaucracy today.. Fact: The only thing more exciting than a new government building is watching paint dry. Grab your popcorn!.
• Headline: GOLD CLAUSE STEP HINTED IN CAPITAL; Rumors of Action to End Chance of Suits Follow Mystery White House Parley.. Impact: The whispers of a gold clause led to a gold rush of legal jargon that still haunts contract law students today. Thanks for the nightmares!. Fact: Gold clauses in contracts are like exes; you think you’re done with them until you get hit with unexpected complications!.
• Headline: RiJ. HAMILTON WEDS HELENH, HDTOHISON; Head of American Radiator Company Marries Former Newspaper Woman.. Impact: This marriage united two different worlds, leading to a future where radiators would be featured in half-hearted romantic comedies. Because nothing says romance like heating!. Fact: The American Radiator Company is a classic example of how love can really heat things up—literally!.
• Headline: C.F. KELLEY ORDERED TO SERVE AS A JUROR; Appellate Division Rules 2 Homes Elsewhere Do Not Prevent Listing for Duty Here.. Impact: C.F. Kelley’s jury duty opened the door for more people with multiple homes to ignore civic responsibilities. It's like they say: 'If you have the means, you can dodge the jury!'. Fact: Being a juror is the one time people actually wish their lives were less interesting; no one wants to hear about your vacation while deciding someone's fate!.
• Headline: BREMEN SAILS WITH 1,915.; Ascot Week in England Helps Swell Liner's Passenger List.. Impact: The influx of passengers meant more gossip on the high seas, eventually leading to the Titanic disaster. So, thanks, Ascot Week, for keeping the drama alive!. Fact: Imagine being on a cruise ship with nearly 2,000 people—it's like a floating reality show where the stakes are just as high!.