JUNE 14, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Short Waves in Medical Treatments. Impact: The introduction of short wave diathermy surprisingly leads to a surge in spa retreats. After all, who doesn't want to feel like they're being microwaved while relaxing?. Fact: Fun fact: 'sauna' in Finnish means 'the place where you sit and sweat profusely while contemplating your life choices'..
• Headline: Rosemary Hall Graduation Ceremonies 1935. Impact: Eighteen graduates from Rosemary Hall inadvertently pave the way for future reality TV shows about wealthy schools. Thanks, parents!. Fact: Did you know that graduation caps were originally designed to help students keep their thoughts from flying away during speeches?.
• Headline: JEWISH SCHOOL EXERCISES; Institution for Teachers Gives Diplomas to 8 Graduates.. Impact: The Jewish school’s graduation sparks a nationwide trend of diploma ceremonies where graduates throw their hats in the air, leading to several minor injuries from flying caps.. Fact: Ever wondered why graduation caps are square? It's so graduates can hold all their ‘knowledge’ without it rolling away..
• Headline: CARDINAL OFFICIATES AT COMMENCEMENT; Presents Diplomas to Class of 45 at Cathedral College -- 31 Others Gets B.A. Degrees.. Impact: Cardinal's commencement ceremony inadvertently inspires the 'Surprise Diploma' trend, where students are awarded degrees in front of shocked audiences everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that most diplomas are just fancy pieces of paper that tell your mom you did something productive?.
• Headline: DANA HONORS M'CARTER.; Hurrell Also Gets Degree at the Exercises in Newark.. Impact: Dana’s honoring of M'cCarter inadvertently inspires countless motivational speakers to claim that being honored is the key to success. Spoiler: it's not.. Fact: Fun fact: The only people who are honored more than graduates are the people who can turn the lights off after graduation..
• Headline: ST. ELIZABETH EXERCISES.; Bishop Walsh Confers Degrees at Convent Station College.. Impact: Bishop Walsh's degree conferral leads to the unexpected rise of the 'Holier Than Thou' competition among graduates of religious institutions. Who knew holiness could be so cutthroat?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than religious fervor at these ceremonies is the amount of cake served afterward?.
• Headline: Names Referee in Coal Case.. Impact: The naming of a referee in the coal case leads to the implementation of 'Referee Appreciation Day', which is ironically celebrated by no one.. Fact: Did you know that being a referee in bankruptcy cases is just like being a referee in sports? Except the fans are much less forgiving..