JUNE 11, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: 226 Graduates Honored at Manhattan College. Impact: The graduates from Manhattan College went on to become the world's foremost experts in... absolutely nothing. But hey, they probably made some great PowerPoint presentations!. Fact: The LLD degree is actually a Doctor of Laws, which sounds impressive until you realize it’s just a fancy way of saying 'I’ve read a lot of legal textbooks.'.
• Headline: Midshipmen Injured in Baltimore Crash. Impact: The midshipmen's crash led to a series of poorly planned military transportation reforms. If only someone had thought to put the truck drivers through a 'how not to crash' seminar!. Fact: This incident sparked a new rule that if you're transporting midshipmen, you should probably avoid streetcars. Who would've thought?.
• Headline: Pilot Safely Lands in Fog Near Chicago. Impact: The pilot's fog-evading maneuver set a precedent for future pilots, who would later think they were invincible, leading to a new generation of thrill-seeking aviators. Because who needs visibility?. Fact: Pilots often consider fog a 'suggestion' rather than a warning. Just like how I consider deadlines!.
• Headline: TO ADD TO SCHOOL LIBRARY; Board to Adopt Appropriation of $72,500 for New Books in 1936.. Impact: The appropriation for new books resulted in an explosion of knowledge, leading to a generation of people who thought reading was overrated. Thanks a lot, Board of Education!. Fact: In 1936, $72,500 could buy a lot of books, or just one really fancy car. Priorities, right?.
• Headline: KNIGHTS TEMPLAR PARADE IN YONKERS; 25,000 Out-of-Town Visitors for State Conclave See Procession of 6,000.. Impact: The Knights Templar Parade caused a ripple effect of sequined uniforms and overly enthusiastic marching bands that continue to haunt parades to this day.. Fact: 25,000 visitors and only six thousand in the procession means the Templars really know how to draw a crowd… to watch them march!.
• Headline: Taxes Paid, No Jobless, Boast of Old Westbury. Impact: Old Westbury's boast of no jobless citizens led to an influx of confused people trying to figure out if they were in the right place. 'Wait, where's the unemployment line?'. Fact: Old Westbury was so proud of their jobless-free status that they probably threw a party. Too bad no one could afford to attend!.
• Headline: BUS AND TRUCK BILL HIT.; Merchants' Truckmen's Bureau Objects to I.C.C. Control.. Impact: The merchants' truckmen's opposition to ICC control sparked a nationwide debate about transportation regulations, which, spoiler alert, is still going on today. Thanks, bureaucracy!. Fact: The Merchants' Truckmen's Bureau sounds like a secret society. Maybe they meet in the back of a truck stop to plot against regulations?.
• Headline: 40,000 Toots Open Rail Week.. Impact: Rail Week's grand opening with 40,000 toots is remembered as the moment trains became the loudest social event of the year, inspiring generations of train enthusiasts to annoy everyone with their horn collection.. Fact: 40,000 toots might just be the most chaotic way to start a week. Imagine if humans communicated this way!.
• Headline: FORDHAM GRADUATES CLASS IN PHARMACY; 44 Advised by Father Hogan to Cultivate Clear Thinking in Use of Education.. Impact: Fordham's pharmacy graduates went on to revolutionize pharmacy practices, but mostly just created a lot of confusion about which pill does what. Good luck with that!. Fact: Father Hogan's advice on 'clear thinking' is what all pharmacists secretly wish for their customers. 'No, you cannot take this with that!'.