MAY 29, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Poling Returns to Pastoral Work. Impact: Little did he know that his world tour would eventually lead to the rise of modern megachurches, where pastors spend more time in private jets than in their actual congregations. Thank you, world tourism!. Fact: Did you know that in some churches, the pastor's world tour is just a euphemism for 'hiding from my responsibilities'?.
• Headline: Industrial Leaders Reassure Workers. Impact: This reassurance, while sounding comforting, set off a chain reaction that led to the annual tradition of ‘Trust Me, Everything is Fine’ speeches that have become the backbone of corporate culture. Spoiler: everything was not fine.. Fact: Did you know that 'We promise you won't be laid off' is corporate-speak for 'Update your resumes!'?.
• Headline: Child Actors Celebrate Graduation. Impact: The graduation of child actors paved the way for future generations of overworked kids in Hollywood, leading to a rise in therapists specializing in 'child-star syndrome.' Look out, future Oscars!. Fact: Did you know that child actors have a better chance of becoming president than adults? They just need to master their favorite catchphrase first!.
• Headline: Rohmer Here to Write Serial.. Impact: His arrival sparked the beginning of an unending series of serials that would eventually culminate in the binge-watching culture we know today. Thanks for the ‘content,’ Rohmer!. Fact: Did you know that serial writers often have more plot twists than a pretzel factory? You're never really safe from the cliffhanger!.
• Headline: Moran -- Rawlins.. Impact: This marriage set off a cascade of couple combinations that would lead to the rise of reality TV shows like 'The Newlywed Game.' Thank you, lovebirds, for paving the way for our guilty pleasures!. Fact: Did you know that every time a couple gets married, a new reality show is born? Love really does conquer all… ratings!.
• Headline: Turkey Adopts Sunday As Weekly Day of Rest. Impact: This decision not only altered the Turkish workweek but also inspired countless 'Monday Blues' in office workers worldwide. Truly, the ripple effects of a day off are profound.. Fact: Did you know that Sunday is the only day universally accepted for doing absolutely nothing? A true global holiday of laziness!.
• Headline: GEDDES AND HOWE FORM PARTNERSHIP; Rebel Designer and Architect Join to Aid World in Getting 'Its Face Lifted.'. Impact: Their partnership launched a thousand design revolutions, leading to the modern obsession with home renovations and the phrase, 'I just want to make it pretty.' Thanks for raising our expectations, guys!. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'face-lift' was originally meant for buildings and not for people? Now we know where the Kardashians got the idea!.
• Headline: SCHOOL MARKS 10TH YEAR.; Brookside Institution in Montclair Was Founded by Parents.. Impact: The 10th anniversary celebration created a blueprint for every subsequent school to throw over-the-top anniversary parties, complete with confetti and nostalgia-laden speeches. Thanks for the pressure!. Fact: Did you know that school anniversaries are just elaborate excuses for parents to complain about how much things have changed since they were kids?.
• Headline: SOlq6WRITERS PAY I TRIBUTE TO BLAKE]; Former Oov, Smith and Gene Buck Head Honorary Pallbearers at Funeral.. Impact: Blake's passing not only brought together writers to pay homage but also set the stage for countless tributes that would inspire future generations of writers to take themselves way too seriously.. Fact: Did you know that writers are the only people who can turn a funeral into a literary event? Talk about a plot twist!.
• Headline: Dismissal Expected in 400 NRA Cases; Weirton and Battery Actions Are Involved. Impact: The dismissal of these cases was the beginning of a long trend of legal dismissals that would ultimately lead to an increase in the phrase 'no comment' across courtrooms nationwide. Legal drama, anyone?. Fact: Did you know that in legal jargon, 'dismissal' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're too busy to care'?.