MAY 22, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Boston Utilities Crash Loses $20 Million. Impact: This financial disaster sent ripples through the economy, leading to the invention of the phrase 'too big to fail'—which was ironically never applied to actual failures, but more to politicians' careers.. Fact: Did you know that this crash led to the invention of 'investing' as a new form of extreme sport? People just love to gamble with their savings!.
• Headline: Payment for 'Protective Custody' Established. Impact: This decision foreshadowed the bizarre legalistic justifications that would come to define the atrocities of the Holocaust, leaving a dark mark on history that reminds us of the dangers of complacency in the face of injustice.. Fact: It's almost as if the phrase 'protective custody' is a euphemism for something far more sinister. Who knew legal jargon could be so chilling?.
• Headline: Praise for NYC Adult Education Classes. Impact: The recognition of adult education sparked a movement that eventually led to the well-educated soccer moms of the 21st century, who now run the PTA with an iron fist and a suspiciously high number of Pinterest boards.. Fact: Did you know that adult education classes sometimes include 'How to Decode Your Teen's Eye Rolls'? It's a must-have skill!.
• Headline: 50,000 Needed for Farms, Brazil Asked to Lift Bars. Impact: This plea led to Brazil's eventual agricultural boom, which ironically resulted in a coffee addiction that has plagued office workers worldwide for decades. Thanks, Brazil!. Fact: Fun fact: Without Brazil's coffee exports, we might all still be sleeping through morning meetings instead of pretending to work after our caffeine fix!.
• Headline: TOTTENVILLE STARTS NEW SCHOOL PROJECT; 4,000 Attend Ground-Breaking Ceremony on the Site of $1,197,000 Structure.. Impact: Little did they know, this school would become the breeding ground for future local politicians who would argue over school budgets for decades—an endless cycle of funding battles and broken promises.. Fact: Did you know that for every new school built, two more budget cuts are born? It's like a financial hydra!.
• Headline: Lindbergh Anniversary Of Hop to Paris Marked. Impact: This anniversary solidified the idea that one man’s flight could lead to a global obsession with aviation, resulting in long security lines at airports and the invention of the 'Airport Lounge'—the closest thing we have to a VIP room for the anxious traveler.. Fact: Did you know that after this flight, people began to believe that flying was a quick way to get from point A to point B, not a way to slowly lose your sanity in a metal tube?.
• Headline: ELEPHANT KILLS KEEPER.; Herd, Rehearsing for Movie, Stampedes in Los Angeles.. Impact: The tragic loss of the keeper serves as a grim reminder of the unpredictability of nature and the consequences of using animals as entertainment, leading to stricter regulations and a rise in animal rights activism.. Fact: It's a sad irony that elephants can be more dangerous than your average house cat, yet we still insist on using them in movies. Someone call PETA!.
• Headline: CIVIL AIDES WARNED TO BACK HITLER YOUTH; Reich Workers Are Told to Take Children Out of Catholic and Protestant Groups.. Impact: This warning encouraged an entire generation to become indoctrinated in a regime that would lead to unprecedented horrors, reminding us all of the importance of safeguarding youth against extremist ideologies.. Fact: Isn't it interesting how 'Hitler Youth' sounds like a bad band name? Spoiler alert: they didn't win any awards for originality..
• Headline: Awards Prison Guard $7,500.. Impact: This judgment eventually paved the way for discussions about worker's rights and safety regulations in prisons, changing the landscape of correctional facilities forever—though not always for the better.. Fact: Who knew that falling off a roof could lead to a payday? I guess the moral of the story is to always wear a hard hat if you want a chance at a cash settlement!.