MAY 15, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: J.J. Hines and the Racket Inquiry. Impact: The inquiry into J.J. Hines' racketeering might have inadvertently inspired an entire generation of crime dramas, leading us to the binge-worthy television of today where everyone suddenly wants to be a 'criminal mastermind'.. Fact: Being held in contempt is not just a legal term; it could also describe your feelings during a family dinner when the topic of politics comes up..
• Headline: Laval and Stalin Discuss European Security. Impact: The discussions between France and Russia could have led to a delightful game of geopolitical Jenga, where one misstep could have toppled an entire continent. Instead, they just exchanged pleasantries and awkward smiles.. Fact: Cordiality in politics is like a polite smile while plotting your downfall – it’s all about appearances!.
• Headline: Count" Wanted in Spokane.. Impact: The search for the 'Count' in Spokane could have inadvertently sparked a new trend in costume parties, with people dressing up as historical figures who owe money to others. It’s a niche market, but hey, it could've worked.. Fact: Being wanted for swindling is just one step away from being the most popular person at a reunion – everyone's curious about what you did!.
• Headline: MISS O'BRIEN GETS PRISON SENTENCE; Women's Investment Adviser Gets 15 Months to 3 Years -- Lost Clients' $434,762.. Impact: Miss O'Brien’s sentencing might have inspired the next generation of financial advisors to actually pay attention to their clients instead of 'misplacing' their funds. A true cautionary tale!. Fact: Losing $434,762 is like finding out your favorite ice cream shop closed down – devastating, but at least it’s not your life savings, right?.
• Headline: NOLAN AT PRINCETON REVIEWS THE R.O.T.C.; Second Corps Area Commandant Presents Awards to Student Officers at Inspection.. Impact: Nolan's review of the R.O.T.C. at Princeton could have led to the creation of a military-style fraternity, complete with hazing rituals and an impressive collection of medals for drinking games.. Fact: Princeton’s inspection is probably the closest thing to a fashion show for uniforms. Who knew military decorum could be so chic?.
• Headline: POLICE FIND PLANE LINKED TO ROBBERY; Think Newburgh Bank Bandits Used It and Murdered Pilot-Accomplice.. Impact: The discovery of the plane linked to the robbery might have set off a chain reaction of aviation regulations, leading to the invention of the black box – because clearly, flying with a stolen plane wasn’t risky enough.. Fact: In the world of crime, nothing says 'I’m guilty' like a plane linked to a robbery. It’s like leaving your calling card, but with a propeller..
• Headline: Signs in Bavaria Warn Jews.. Impact: The warnings against Jews in Bavaria may have contributed to a ripple effect of intolerance that echoed through history, illustrating how fear can manifest in the most absurd ways.. Fact: Discrimination signs are like the worst kind of IKEA furniture – they showcase a lack of compassion and create a lot of unnecessary division..
• Headline: WORK IN HOSPITALS STOPPED 2 HOURS; 500 Employes of Charities Federation and Allied Units Protest Over Wages.. Impact: The two-hour stoppage by hospital employees could have inspired a revolution in labor rights and protest tactics, leading to the invention of the 'protest snack' – because nothing says 'I care about my wages' like a well-timed sandwich.. Fact: When 500 employees protest, it’s less of a fuss and more of a 'letting off steam' session. Just remember to bring snacks next time!.
• Headline: MACKENSEN GREETED BY AUSTRIAN NAZIS; Flaming Swastikas Light Route of German Marshal, on Way to Visit Son in Budapest.. Impact: Mackensen's greeting by Austrian Nazis could have sparked a bizarre trend of celebrity worship among dictators, leading to a reality show where tyrants compete for the title of 'Most Popular Despot'.. Fact: Flaming swastikas are not actually a recommended decoration, even if you think you're the life of the party. History has a way of crashing those parties..