MAY 12, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Steel Industry's Profitable Turnaround in 1935. Impact: This sudden profit in the steel industry led to the rise of the Iron Man franchise. If it weren't for this financial turnaround, Tony Stark might have just been a guy selling paperclips instead of saving the world.. Fact: You know, because making money is still a thing, right? Who knew that people could actually profit from something besides selling their souls?.
• Headline: The Looming Peril of Dictatorships. Impact: Burns' work inspired a generation of activists who realized that democracy isn't just a buzzword but a full-time job. Unfortunately, the job market for 'Overthrowing Dictators' is still pretty weak.. Fact: C. Delisle Burns probably never imagined that his book would be the go-to read for wannabe revolutionaries and college students avoiding finals..
• Headline: New State Detective Force Announcement. Impact: This decision led to years of detective dramas on television, where every state police force aspired to be just like the feds. Spoiler alert: they never quite made it.. Fact: Because nothing says 'trust us' like modeling your state police after a federal agency that has been caught with its hand in the cookie jar a few too many times..
• Headline: GERMANS FORTIFY SCHLESWIG REGION; DEFY TREATY BAN; Secrecy Cloaks Kiel Project -- Daily Manoeuvres Reported at New Sylt Air Base.. Impact: The fortification of Schleswig could be seen as a precursor to many future diplomatic incidents, proving that attempting to ignore treaties is a time-honored tradition in international relations.. Fact: Sometimes, breaking a treaty is just a fancy way of saying, 'We have plans for your land, and we’re not asking nicely.'.
• Headline: REICH NUNS DIE OF SHOCK.; Two Grieved Over Arrest of Mother Superior by Nazis.. Impact: This tragic event highlighted the brutalities of the regime, inspiring countless stories of resilience and faith that would ripple through history, reminding us of the strength of the human spirit in the face of oppression.. Fact: It’s a grim reminder that the horrors of history often come with a side of irony: even the most devout are not immune from the chaos of tyranny..
• Headline: Portugal Makes Cabinet Shifts.. Impact: These cabinet shifts led to a series of political maneuvers that would eventually confuse historians for decades. Spoiler: nobody quite knows what they did.. Fact: In Portugal, cabinet shifts are basically like changing socks – necessary, but no one really pays attention unless something smells funny..
• Headline: 200 GET JOBS ON FARMS.; Salvation Army Official Points to Increase In Agricultural Work.. Impact: This seemingly minor increase in agricultural jobs eventually led to the modern-day obsession with organic farming and artisanal everything. Thanks, Salvation Army!. Fact: Because who doesn't want to go back to the good old days of manual labor and dirt under your nails? Sign me up!.
• Headline: CANADIENS RENEW LEASE ON FORUM; Team to Continue to Play in Montreal -- Kirk Acquired by the Ranger Sextet.. Impact: The renewal of the Canadiens' lease ensured that hockey would remain a national pastime, making Canada the only country where ice is more sacred than water.. Fact: In Canada, hockey is not just a sport; it's an unofficial religion. The ice rink is their cathedral, and the players are their saints..
• Headline: SAYS ADMINISTRATION CENSORED CRITICISM; Senator Steiwer Asserts Parts of Business Advisers' Report Were Withheld.. Impact: This incident laid the groundwork for future politicians to play the ‘censorship’ card, leading to an endless cycle of accusations and even more elaborate cover-ups.. Fact: Because nothing says ‘government transparency’ like withholding information from the very people you’re supposed to serve. Bravo!.
• Headline: PULITZER DRAMA HONORS; Bay Leaves in "The Old Maid's" Hair -- Another Award That Is Only a Pat on the Head. Impact: This award ceremony marked the beginning of the trend where mediocre performances were celebrated, leading to a world where even reality TV stars claim to be artists.. Fact: Ah yes, the Pulitzer: the award that says, 'Congratulations, you’ve managed to impress a panel of judges who are basically just as confused as you are!'.