MAY 11, 1935

Full News Archive

• Headline: Winika Sets Javelin Record in 1935. Impact: Winika's javelin throw became a catalyst for modern athleticism, inspiring a bizarre future where people thought throwing things accurately could be a viable career. It really sparked a trend in competitive tossing of random objects.. Fact: Did you know that javelin was once used as a weapon? Now it’s just a way to impress your friends at BBQs..
• Headline: Frohman Re-elected to Lead Actors Fund. Impact: Frohman's leadership at the Actors Fund secured funding for countless artists, ultimately leading to the creation of a reality TV show about struggling actors. Because nothing screams 'art' like watching people squabble over a reality show contract!. Fact: The Actors Fund: Helping performers recover from bad roles since... well, forever. It’s like a safety net for the dramatic!.
• Headline: NAZIS BANISH SATIRE.; Close Two Berlin Cabarets for Amusing Customers Too Well.. Impact: The Nazis' ban on satire in Berlin led to a future where comedians learned to navigate oppressive regimes, eventually resulting in the rise of underground comedy clubs. Because nothing says 'freedom of speech' like sneaking jokes past the Gestapo.. Fact: Satire and irony are so effective that they could probably disarm a tank. If only the Nazis knew!.
• Headline: Weds W. B. I!awthorne.. Impact: The marriage of W. B. I!awthorne and F. Argenti inadvertently set off a series of events leading to the invention of the wedding registry, ensuring future couples would never get duplicate toasters again. Thanks, lovebirds!. Fact: Did you know that wedding planning is essentially a high-stakes game of ‘Can You Top This?’ with much better food?.
• Headline: Doris G. Ewing Married.. Impact: The union of Doris G. Ewing and D. G. Ewing revolutionized the concept of shared initials, leading to an entire generation of couples who thought it was cute to have the same name. Spoiler alert: It’s not as cute as you think!. Fact: Couples sharing initials is just a fancy way of saying they couldn't come up with individual names. How romantic!.
• Headline: MISS EARHART HONORED.; Mayor Presents Award to Flier at City Hall Ceremony.. Impact: Amelia Earhart's award from the Mayor created a legacy where women in aviation were celebrated, leading to future generations of girls who thought they could conquer the skies. Unfortunately, some still can’t find the exit at a mall.. Fact: Amelia Earhart was not just a pilot; she was the original 'girl power' icon, paving the way for all the future women who would inevitably get lost in airport terminals..
• Headline: Denain in Rome for Pact.. Impact: Denain's diplomatic mission to Rome set a precedent for future international relations, eventually leading to the widespread belief that pasta could solve geopolitical disputes. Who needs treaties when you have spaghetti?. Fact: Fun fact: In Italy, it's considered a crime against humanity to put pineapple on pizza. The more you know!.
• Headline: Boy and Girl Sit Hour In Jobs of Lehman, Bray. Impact: The hour spent by a boy and girl in the jobs of Lehman and Bray launched a future trend of 'job shadowing' that would ultimately lead to millions of students pretending to be interested in careers they will never pursue. Thanks for the reality check!. Fact: Job shadowing: the perfect way to realize you don’t actually want to sit at a desk for eight hours a day. Who knew?.
• Headline: MISS NANCY S. LOW BECOMES A BRIDE; Wed to James Mitchell Hoyt in the Chapel of St. Bartholomew's Church.. Impact: The marriage of Miss Nancy S. Low and James Mitchell Hoyt inspired a future where everyone started hyphenating their last names, leading to confusion and a lot of paperwork, but hey, at least their kids will have unique names!. Fact: Hyphenated names: because one last name just isn't enough drama for a family!.